


For your safety.

by IAmTheNightman98



Series: For Your Safety [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Police, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Lesbian AU, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-02-08 20:24:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmTheNightman98/pseuds/IAmTheNightman98
Summary: Officer Brooke Hytes works in the Toronto Police Department and spends her weekends patrolling the streets looking for ladies of the night. One evening she meets 'Vanjie' a new working girl in the area, who comes barrelling into Brooke's life like a bull in a china shop.





	1. Too young and too cold.

Brooke shivers as the cold Toronto air whirls around her vehicle whilst she drives slowly through the winding city streets. Even though she has the heating on full, the poor insulation of her beat up cop car causes her breath to form an icy mist as it leaves her airways. She isn’t paid enough for this shit anymore. 

 

When she’d been a fresh faced, twenty four year old cop, Brooke had been happy to take whatever assignments she could get, but ten years later and she has never managed to break her routine. Which was why she finds herself, on this shitty, freezing Saturday night, on patrol duty checking street corners for  _ ladies of the night _ .

 

She has always considered herself to be a strong supporter for the rights of sex workers and so five years ago, when the practice became illegal in Canada and she actually had to start arresting the women rather than moving them along on the grounds of solicitation and loitering, she’d been pissed to say the least. Despite the fact that it was her job to uphold the law, Officer Hytes has the reputation of being firm but fair. She will only use her powers of arrest as a last resort, more often using warnings or cautions to get her message across. The girls trust her and in return, she protects them. 

 

That is what she has  to tell herself as she navigates her usual route looking out for the girls, the only thing that stops her from throwing in the towel and asking to be reassigned. If she doesn’t look out for these girls, nobody else would. 

 

As Brooke turns the corner to one of the more notorious locations she sees the under dressed girls in their skyscraper heels scattering, darting down alleys or hopping into cars. It’s the same every week. She doesn’t see the point in pursuing them on foot, so usually, once she’s assured that nobody is too far out of it, nobody is injured and there are no fights taking place, she will move onto the next location. 

 

Tonight however, one of the girls does not scurry away with the rest. She stays put, starring Brooke down as she slowly rolls towards the curb. Her petite frame, dressed in a short black skirt and red bralette and balanced on glittery gold platform heels, does not waver as she lowers the window on the passenger side. No, instead she actually makes her way over to the vehicle and leans in, propping herself on her forearms on the window frame. 

 

Before she speaks, Brooke notices how stunningly beautiful the smaller woman is. Which, ideally, shouldn’t be her first thought in situations like these. Her smooth looking skin is tanned and her shoulder length, golden hair frames her face in a sleek bob. Her face is painted thick with makeup, but somehow it makes her look soft, rather than harsh and angular, and her false lashes flutter as she bats her eyes. Brooke imagines that this woman is very popular with the customers. 

 

“Well I never serviced an officer of the law before.” The young woman says in a soft sultry tone. It is so unexpected that Brooke’s mouth falls agape and she is unable to reply, despite the fact she prides herself on always keeping a level head. All rational thoughts fly from her mind as she thinks about being  _ serviced _ by this woman. She stammers momentarily, fumbling for a response. 

 

The woman, however, seems un-bothered by Brooke’s nervousness and leans in, angling her cleavage towards her in a way that is blatantly obvious. She can see a large tattoo of a cat’s face surrounded by a rose on her sternum and before she can stop herself, she’s thinking about running her tongue over it. Jesus, she needs to get laid more.

 

“Ma’am.” Brook starts to say sternly, but it tumbles out of her mouth in a stammer and the woman’s eyes crinkle into a smirk.

 

Suddenly, she barks out a laugh that is so deep, loud and gritty, Brooke thinks that surely this petite, soft, sultry woman could not be making that noise. “I’m playing with you boo.” She says loudly through her laughter.

 

Brooke can tell by her accent that she’s not from around here, so she tries to stay calm and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe none of the other girls told her that solicitation is a crime and that joking with an officer about committing said crime, is a sure fire way to end up in jail. The best thing for Brooke to do would be to get out, check her identification, give the girl a firm warning and be on her way. 

 

Brooke sighs deeply as she unclips her seat belt and the woman quirks her eyebrow. “If I get out of the vehicle, are you going to run? Because it’s freezing and I don’t feel like chasing you.”

 

“Why would I run, baby? I aint doing nothing wrong.” The woman says, fluttering her eyelashes once more and flicking her hair off her shoulder. 

 

Brooke grits her teeth and inhales sharply as she get out of her car, practically slamming the door behind her. She walks up to the small woman and notices immediately that even though she wears thick, tall heels and Brooke wears flat boots, she it still at least a few inches taller than her.  _ Cute _ . She thinks briefly, before chastising herself for the thought. 

 

“I’m going to need to see some identification, ma’am.” Brooke says firmly, holding out her hand with her palm facing upwards. 

 

The woman’s playful guise slips momentarily before she shrugs. “Don’t got one, Officer.” She says with a grin, the word officer coming out in a long drawl. Brooke grits her teeth once more. _ I bet this little routine works on all the male officers _ , she thinks bitterly. Someone needs to teach her a lesson before she gets herself in serious trouble. 

 

“What’s your name?” She says curtly, taking out her notebook from her breast pocket, trying desperately not to look at the woman's slender, exposed legs. 

 

“Miss Vanjie.” The woman smirks. 

 

Brooke rolls her eyes in frustration. “Your mother gave you that name?”

 

“My mama didn’t give me nothin’.” The woman laughs. It’s that loud, harsh, roar of a laugh once more. Brooke hates it.  _ She fucking adores it. _

 

“Are you aware that solicitation and prostitution is a crime?” Brooke says sharply, hoping to frighten Vanjie into shutting her damn mouth.  _ What else could you do to get her to shut that mouth? _

 

Vanjie shrugs and twirls a strand of golden hair around her finger. “I never heard the word solidi... solicitate… that word before.” 

 

How dare she play so coy? It makes Brooke want to drag her into the back seat of her cop car and kiss the coyness right off her smug, frustrating, fucking gorgeous face. 

 

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to the station.” She hates doing this, she really does, but hopefully a night in a cell will shake some sense into her before an officer with less patience comes along and she ends up serving some serious time. 

 

Vanje, instead of bolting like most girls would, shrugs her shoulders. “You do what you gotta do, baby.” She says, and Brooke swears that if she calls her baby one more time there will be consequences. 

 

Then, Vanjie moves towards the passenger side of the car and makes a move for the handle. “What are you doing? You sit in the back seat.” Brooke glared at Vanjie, gesturing harshly to the back door. As Vanjie clambers ungracefully into the back seat, Brooke gets a view of her pert ass in her tight skirt and has to clench her fist to disperse some of the tension pooling in her abdomen. 

 

Vanjie, seemingly unconcerned with the fact she was sitting in the back of a police car, keeps of a steady stream of verbal garbage on the way to the station, spouting off about whatever came to her mind. She tells Brooke, without prompt, that she’s moved to Toronto from Tampa, Florida, but is originally Puerto Rican. Maybe that’s what’s responsible for her fiery attitude?

 

Brooke glances back into the rear view mirror and notices that Vanjie is shivering while she speaks. She wonders briefly if her chatter is intended to distract from how cold she is and feels a pang of sympathy. God damn it. “There’s a fleece in the foot well behind my seat.” Brooke says, and it’s probably the longest sentence she’s said this entire journey. 

 

As Vanjie lunges gratefully for the fleece and  then shrugs it around her shoulders, she swears she sees her blushing beneath that thick makeup. 

 

“I like your pin, Officer.” Vanjie says, causing Brooke to look back at her once more. She sees that attached to the lapel of her fleece is a small lesbian pride badge. Brooke has never been ashamed of her sexuality, but feels somewhat uncomfortable watching the younger woman twirl the pink striped flag in her fingers. She didn’t need any more prompting to make further unacceptable jokes.

 

“It’s Officer Hytes.” Brooke tells her, hoping to distract from the pin and get Vanjie prattling on about some other nonsense once more. 

 

But apparently, Vanjie would not comply. “You know, I knew you was checking me out.” She says with a smirk. Brooke grips the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles go white. 

 

“That’s very inappropriate.” Brooke snaps.

 

“Why’d you do it then?” Vanjie retorts quickly. 

 

Brooke can’t decide whether she is angry at Vanjie for showing such a blatant lack of respect, or at herself for getting caught checking the younger woman out. “Are you fucking kidding me? How dare you.” She sneers through gritted teeth, resisting the urge to yell. Her jaw tenses in anger and she can feel her breathing grow heavy. 

 

To her credit, Vanjie throws up her hands in defence. “Sorry. Just trying to have a little fun.” She laughs. Brooke is practically seething with anger, this isn’t supposed to be fucking fun. Why won’t the little brat take this goddam seriously?

 

She has almost cooled herself down, when Vanjie speaks again. “How far away is the station? Cause I was thinking we could go through a drive-thru or somethin’?”

 

Brooke has to pull the car over to the side of the road so that she doesn’t crash in a blind rage.

 

“Do you understand the fact that you’re getting arrested? I’m a law enforcement officer and you have committed a crime. You’re going to jail. Can you really not see the seriousness of what is happening, or are you just that fucking stupid?” Brooke practically screams at the younger woman. She should be ashamed of herself. She’s lost her cool and allowed Vanjie to provoke her to anger to a dangerous extent. 

 

Vanjie’s face falls and her breathing is heavy. Her big, doe eyes look look, briefly, petrified. Brooke feels disgusted with herself for raising her voice and frightening her. “I ain’t never been arrested before, so I don’t know how I gotta act.” She says with an awkward laugh, but she looked like she might cry. 

 

Brooke sighs deeply as she stares at Vanjie, taking in her appearance once more. Her fleece looked huge on her, despite the fact that Brooke was slim too. It was far too long and the excess material pooled in her lap and around her fingertips, making her look both small and vulnerable. 

 

“How old are you?” Brooke asks softly.

 

“Twenty five.” She is older than Brooke thought she was, but still young. It occurs to her briefly that she could be lying about her age, as she did with her name, but for some inexplicable reason she knows that she isn’t

 

Brooke sighs again, softly this time. This woman is young and has never been arrested before. Sure, she is loud, inappropriate, brash, rude, and makes Brooke frustrated as all hell, but all she’d really caught her doing was loitering on a street corner. She doesn’t need to arrest her tonight. “You’re free to go.” She say with a soft smile, pressing the button on the console to unlock the car doors. 

 

Vanjie blinked at her in silence for a moment before glancing around out of the car window. “Ain’t you gonna take me back to where you found me? I don’t know how to get home from here.” 

 

Brooke laughs, breaking the tension in the car. She had to be the first person in history to ask to stay in the back of her cop car for any longer than necessary. “Get in the front seat then.” She smiles warmly. 

 

Vanjie, instead of exiting the car and getting back in like a normal person, clambers over the centre console into the passenger seat, causing Brooke to roll her eyes and chuckle lightly. 

 

“So am I un-arrested?” Vanjie asks, chewing her bottom lip nervously.

 

“Yes, you’re un-arrested.” Brooke smirks back. Then, fuck it, what the hell. “How about I take you to that drive-thru after all?” She asks, delighting in the enormous grin that breaks out onto Vanjie’s face in response. 

 

A short while later, the car is fills with the wonderful scent and warmth of greasy fast food as the bag is passed through the window. Brooke hands over her card to pay the cashier, then thanks the man and pulls away from the curb. When she pulls up in an empty parking lot across the street so that they can eat their burgers, she sees that Vanjie is holding out a fist full of crumpled dollar bills. 

 

“Consider this an apology for losing my cool.” She shrugs, waving the money away.

 

Then, that blush is back. Creeping up Vanjie’s cheeks and making Brooke’s heart tighten in her chest. “Apology accepted, baby.” She smirks back. 

 

They eat their meals in relative silence, considering the non stop onslaught of conversation Brooke has suffered up until this point. Vanjie eats like she hasn’t had a hot meal in weeks and she’s finished her meal before Brooke has even managed half of her burger. She briefly considers going back and buying her another, but instead she wordlessly pushes the rest of her fries towards her. 

 

Once they finish, despite the fact that Brooke is still technically on the clock, she makes no immediate move to drive out of the parking lot. Instead she opts to watch Vanjie out of the corner of the eye whilst the golden haired woman watches traffic through the window. Suddenly, a sports car barrels by, clearly over the speed limit and Vanjie snaps her head towards Brooke with a gasp.

 

“That bitch was speeding.” She yells brashly. “Get those sirens going, Mami, we gotta chase him.” Her body is practically vibrating with excitement causing Brooke to giggle. 

 

She’s a grown ass woman. And she giggles. 

 

She shakes her head softly and shrugs. “By the time I start the engine he’ll be too far gone for me to catch.” She says, ignoring Vanjie’s casual use of the word ‘we’. 

 

Vanjie smirks, dropping back against her seat and quirking her eyebrow. “You’re one cool lady, Officer Hytes.” She grins. 

 

“Brooke.” She corrects. 

 

“Brooke.” Vanjie repeats back to her with a smile. “It suits you.” She says, causing Brooke to blush like a teenager. 

 

“My real name is Vanessa.” She says after a few minutes and Brooke smiles in response. A beautiful name for a beautiful woman, she thinks before breathing in sharply, remembering why they were here. Not one hour ago, Brooke was arresting her for solicitation in the street. Brooke has nothing but respect for sex workers, but she imagines that her superiors in the force would frown upon her having a crush on Vanessa. 

 

God, she should frown on herself for having a crush on Vanessa. What kind of woman in her early thirties still got crushes on pretty girls they’d only just met?  _ The kind that has never had a girlfriend or any form of serious relationship, so is unable to distinguish between attraction and feelings.  _

 

“I think it’s probably about time I drive you home, Vanessa.” She says with a small smile.

 

Vanessa eventually is able to direct Brooke to her apartment building, which takes forever considering her style of giving directions consists primarily of the phrase ‘fuck, you were supposed to take that turning, my bad’.  The building looks as though its on the verge of being condemned, but she seems unphased when calling it home as Brooke pulls up. As Vanessa is about to leave, Brooke realises that she’s still wearing her fleece. 

 

“I’m really sorry but I need the fleece back.” She tells her remorsefully. “It’s part of my uniform.” She says, which technically is the truth. It’s just not the real reason, which is that she can’t have a potential criminal parading around in an oversized Toronto P.D. fleece. And it’s certainly not the most real reason, which is that Brooke really hopes that when she gives it back it will smell like her. 

 

Vanessa pulls off the jacket and shivers when the bare skin of her arms, chest and midriff hits the cold air. Brooke very nearly gives it back to her. 

 

“Well I’d say that I hope to see you again but um...” Vanessa says with an awkward laugh and Brooke understands, given the context that they met. 

 

“I patrol this area fairly regularly. Maybe I will see you around.” Brooke says, desperately trying to sound casual. 

 

“Well I’ll look forwards to it, Mami.” She replies with a grin. Hopping out of the car and practically scampering up the stairs to the the entrance to the building. 

 

Brooke had no doubt that her heading for the building was just for show and that before too long, she would be back out on that street corner in the freezing cold. 

 

-x- 

 

After that night, Brooke makes sure to check that corner every weekend. She keeps an eye out for the girls, breaking up fights and monitoring their safety as she usually does, but she always keeps an eye out for Vanessa. Not that she would be hard to miss, since when the other girls scatter she remains put, waving when she drives past. 

 

A few weeks after that first night, Brooke notices that Vanessa seems to have a little less energy and enthusiasm than usual, so she stops by the drive thru and circles back to take her some food. The wide, dazzling smile she gets in response makes breaking the rules worth it. 

 

Two weeks later, Brooke brings her a large, black, hooded sweater to wear, in case she gets too cold. Winter was rapidly approaching and the nights would only get colder. She knows that Vanessa will never wear it over her skimpy outfits whilst she works, but maybe she will wear it on the walk too and from home. 

 

Maybe she will wear it as she curls up in bed at night.

 

-x- 

 

Brooke has known Vanessa for around two months when the first blizzard of the season hits. She completes her usual weekend route, seeing almost no girls working on account of the snow. When she arrives at Vanessa’s corner, she’s almost disappointed to see that she’s not there, but she’s glad that she has the good sense to stay indoors. 

 

But of course, Brooke’s anxiety doesn’t let her rest. What if she’s with a customer and he’s about to drop her off into the freezing cold? What if she’s sick? What if she’s expecting Brooke to bring her food, like she usually does, and Brooke misses her? What if, what if, what if? Over and over again in her mind until she pulls over to the side of the road. She decides to give it fifteen minutes. 

 

Then twenty minutes. 

 

Then half an hour. 

 

Finally, Brooke decides enough is enough and she has to move along. She doesn’t stop worrying about Vanessa for the rest of the week. 

 

-x- 

 

It’s been three weeks since Brooke saw Vanessa last and the pounding sense of anxiety hasn’t stopped. The feeling only worsens when, on a snowy, Tuesday evening, she gets a call on the car radio calling for a response to a domestic dispute at an address she recognises instantly. Vanessa’s building. 

 

There’s no guarantee it’s her, but somehow, Brooke just  _ knows  _ it is. She switches on her lights and sirens and practically slams the gas pedal to the floor. 

 

When she arrives, she sees Vanessa standing in the street, screaming at a woman leaning out of a second floor window. If Brooke thought Vanessa was at a ten before, she was so very wrong. Her tenacious rage seems to be in jarring contrast with her petite frame and soft, tiny outfit. Brooke is beginning she didn’t own any skirts longer than that which barely covers her ass. 

 

Quickly, Brooke jumps out of the car and puts on her professional front. “Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to calm down.” She says as she approaches Vanessa, but the young, fierce woman doesn’t even register her presence. She continues to scream at the woman in the window, who screams back equally as loud. 

 

“Fuck you, you stupid ass hoe. Kicking me out of my own damn apartment, you stupid motherfucker. You think you cute up there lookin’ at me, well just wait till I get back up there, you two faced cunt, I’ll show you what’s up.” She yells, her brash, gritty voice straining slightly. Brooke wonders how long she’s been going, and how long she could keep this up for. 

 

As she glances between the building and Vanessa, who has two large duffel bags at her feet, she begins to piece together what’s happening. Authoritatively, she steps forwards and places herself between Vanessa and the window and her fingertips graze the younger woman’s arm as she passes. She’s ice cold to the touch. 

 

“What’s the problem here?” She says, glancing between the two women. 

 

“This bitch is two months behind on rent, so she’s leaving.” The woman in the window yells down. 

 

“Fuck you, Yvie, I’m going nowhere.” Vanessa yells back, like a petulant child. 

 

Brooke sighs. She wants to help, she really does, but Vanessa is clearly in the wrong. Plus, she’s screaming abuse in the streets like a lunatic. Any cop in their right mind would caution her there and then. 

 

“Is this true?” She asks, turning back to Vanessa. It seems as though Vanessa only just notices that Brooke isn’t just any cop, which may be due to the fact her platinum blonde hair is piled up inside a beanie. Her eyes go wide with recognition, then fall slightly. She looks embarrassed. 

 

“No.” She mumbles, crossing her arms against her chest. “Are you gonna force her to let me back inside or what? It’s freezing.” 

 

Brooke sighs deeply again.

 

“You know I can’t do that.” She says, so quietly that only Vanessa can hear her. 

 

Her eyes go wide with fury, and Brooke thinks she may go off again, but then her shoulders slump with defeat. “Fuck you.” She spits nastily, grabbing her bags from the floor and stomping away from her. 

 

“Wait, where are you going to go?” Brooke asks, ignoring the fact that it was far too familiar sounding to any prying ears. 

 

Vanessa turns back and glares at her. “The fuck do you care for?” She snaps. Her eyes are filled with rage and tears. Her entire body is shivering. God fucking damnit, she’s going to have to arrest her just to get her off the streets tonight. The cold could quite literally kill her. 

 

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to come with me to the station.” She says remorsefully. 

 

“Really, this shit again?” Vanessa yells harshly. Brooke nods firmly and moves her hand to the cuffs on her belt, indicating that they can do this the easy way or the hard way. Vanessa glares at her, but seemingly decided that fighting is not worth the energy, so she stomps past her, flings open the back door and bundles herself into the seat with her bags. 

 

Brooke glances around nervously, hoping that nobody noticed the overly personal argument between the two women, then follows Vanessa back to the car and gets into the driver’s seat. She’s only been driving for a moment when Vanessa speaks. 

 

“What’s the plan now when, Officer Hytes.” She says, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “You gonna arrest me for nothin?”

 

Brooke glances back at Vanessa who is sat in the middle of the back bench with her bags on either side of her. She’s shivering violently and she doesn’t know if its from the cold or the rage. “You were causing a public disturbance and shouting abuse in the street.” Brooke says calmly, turning up the heat to full blast as she does. 

 

She expects Vanessa to start screaming, but instead she brings her thumb and forefinger up to wipe tears from beneath her eyes. She curls into herself and doesn’t look up. 

 

“You need to get out of the cold.” Brooke says apologetically. 

 

“And you think landing my ass in jail is the best way to do that?” She says in a tone so soft that it startles Brooke. 

 

She grips the steering wheel and takes a deep breath, focusing on the road in front of her and trying to work out what to do next. The truth is, she really has no idea. She can’t let her freeze to death on the street, she can’t force her roommate to let her back in, she probably shouldn’t arrest her, but that left very few options. Briefly considers taking her to a women’s shelter, but she doesn’t imagine that any will have space, given the blizzard. 

 

Brooke sighs deeply, looking at Vanessa in the rear view mirror once more. “Do you really have nowhere to go?” She asks and she shakes her head softly. 

 

“Well then I guess you’re going to have to come home with me.”


	2. Too cautious and too boring.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke brings Vanessa back to her apartment and she is desperate so show her that her intentions are nothing but innocent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the 'my cats hate people but oh wait, they love you' trope portion of the fic.

By the time Brooke pulls up at her apartment, the snow is falling heavily, covering the road in a thick, white blanket. Before she switches off the engine, she sighs softly and unclips her radio from the dashboard. “Dispatch, this is Officer Hytes. The snow is getting pretty bad out here, so I’m going to have to call it a night and head home.” 

 

“Understood, Officer. Stay safe on the roads.” The reply comes back shortly afterwards. Brooke feels a pang of guilt for lying. In her mind, she rationalises it. If she leaves Vanessa at her apartment and heads to work, then can’t get back because of the snow, there may be adverse consequences. Of course, the real reason is that she wants to bunk off work and hang out with the fierce, sexy latina currently sitting in the backseat of her car. 

 

As Brooke refastens the radio handset to its place on the dash, she looks into the rearview mirror and Vanessa is flashing her a shit eating grin. “You breaking all the fuckin rules tonight, Mami.” She smirks, then runs her tongue seductively across her teeth. 

 

Brooke chokes out a cough in response and her eyes flare wide. Then, Vanessa starts laughing in her loud, harsh unrelenting style. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell nobody.” She practically shouts through her laughter.  

 

Brooke usually prides herself on her ability to always have a comeback. She can keep a level head and separate her heart from her brain. She always knows the right thing to say. But she’s quickly beginning to realise that when it comes to Vanessa, all of that goes out of the window. She can’t even begin to keep up with her. She can go from seductive, to brash and loud, straight back to soft and emotional all within minutes. Its exhausting. 

 

And enthralling. 

 

As Vanessa’s laughter dies down, Brooke notices her wrapping her arms tightly around herself. Her slender legs that poor out from beneath her pale denim mini skirt are covered in goose flesh. One of these days, Brooke would have to teach her the art of dressing for the Toronto weather. For now however, all she can do is fumble with the zipper on her own coat and take it off, then thrust it towards the back seat. 

 

“Take this. I’m not cold anyways.” She says casually, but then her body betrays her with a shiver. Vanessa quirks her eyebrow and Brooke feels the burn of embarrassment on her cheeks. “Really, I don’t need it.” She stammers, but she has a feeling she’s only making her awkwardness worse. 

 

“You cute.” Vanessa smirks, which is probably the worst thing she could’ve said, because Brooke blushes uncontrollably. She’s grateful when Vanessa doesn’t push the matter any farther and shrugs the coat around her shoulders. 

 

Brooke feels a shudder of fear and excitement when Vanessa looks up at her expectantly, waiting for her to lead her inside. 

 

-x-

 

“Well, this is me.” Brooke shrugs awkwardly as Vanessa stands in the middle of her living room, looking at the surroundings. Her apartment is average sized and decorated very plainly, since she spends most of her time at work anyways. The kitchen is adjoined to the living room, with a small breakfast bar separating the two, and a short corridor leads to two bedrooms and the bathroom. 

 

“Fancy.” Vanessa grins, and Brooke genuinely can’t tell if she’s joking. 

 

Brooke is then hyper aware of the fact that Vanessa is standing in her living room. She’s in her house and she’s going to be here overnight. Her anxiety is about to kick into overdrive so she tried to break the non existent tension in the room. “Are you hungry? I don’t really have any food. Unless I can interest you in cat food? Or coffee? I could order takeout? I think I might have some eggs in the fridge. Do you-” Brooke rambles without taking a breath. 

 

“Wait, you’ve got a kitty?” Vanessa said excitedly, cutting her off and whipping her head around to look on the floor. 

 

Brooke smiles affectionately at her childlike enthusiasm. “Two, actually. They’re probably hiding, they aren’t too fond of new people.” She tells her apologetically. 

 

Vanessa then pouts her lip in a way that’s so god damn enticing, Brooke has to physically fight the urge to grip the younger woman’s waist and take that lip between her teeth. “Damn.” She mutters. “Takeout sounds great, though.” She adds, then slips off Brooke’s coat and drapes it over the high backed armchair. 

 

“Um. What kind of food do you like?” Brooke says awkwardly, desperately trying to avoid staring whilst Vanessa toes off her tall heels. When she’s finished, she leaves the shoes where they fall beside her bags and flops down onto the sofa like she owns the place. 

 

Brooke has always been a very private person. She tries not to get over familiar with people she isn’t one hundred percent sure on and has always viewed her home as her own little sanctuary. And yet here she is, watching this woman that’s only known for a few months curl her legs up beneath her and nestle into the sofa cushions. 

 

“I’ll eat anything, baby. You know me.” Vanessa says as she reaches out to flick through the magazines on Brooke’s coffee table. At that moment, she is struck with another thought.  _ You know me,  _ Vanessa told her, but the reality is, she doesn’t. She knows the basics about her life. She knows that she has the temperament of a small terrier pup and that she will laugh at just about anything, but she doesn’t know the little things. 

 

She doesn’t know her favourite food, or what kind of music she listens to when she’s sad. She doesn’t know her birthday, or how she manages to smile so much despite everything, or how she’d ended up in Toronto of all places. But they’re all things that she wants to get to know. When she’d first met Vanessa, her sexually repressed thirst took over and had her flustered like a schoolgirl, but now it was so much more than that. She wanted to forge a genuine connection with this tiny, goddess of a woman. 

 

“I’ll um, order pizza.” Brooke stammers, snapping herself out of her thoughts. She pulls out her phone and perches on the end of the couch, trying to keep a respectable distance between her and Vanessa, then opens up Uber Eats. After selecting a large pizza, sides and drinks from a local place, she hands the phone to Vanessa so that she can check the order.

 

Vanessa glances down at the phone briefly then barks out a loud laugh. “Damn mi hija, you earn your money arresting me then fuckin waste it all on buying me food.”  

 

Brooke shifts uncomfortably in her seat. She wants to point out that, technically, she’s never actually arrested her, but the words won’t come. She opens and closes her mouth a couple of times, probably looking like a complete fool. “Vanessa…” She says softly, but trails off when she starts laughing once again. 

 

“I’m kidding! You’ve gotta relax, baby.” She teases, nudging her in the side gently. 

 

Brooke wishes so badly that she could relax. That she could be like a normal person for once and actually enjoy Vanessa’s company, that she’s so desperately wanted, rather than being so on edge all the time. She can’t stop worrying that at any given moment, it could all go wrong. A fellow cop could burst in on them and catch her breaking all the rules, or Vanessa could realise that Brooke is too boring and uptight for her to spend time with. 

 

One of the worst things that anyone has ever said to her was when a superior at work accused her of having no personality. Brooke has always been smart. She’s always been pretty. But she’s also always been cautious. She is careful with her words and how she uses them. Careful not to get herself into situations that might end badly. And she’s very, very careful with her feelings. Maybe that is the reason she is almost in her mid thirties and has never had a girlfriend? All of her self doubt is now rendering her incapable of relaxing in her own home. It is torture. 

 

She decides that one of the first things she needs to do is get out of her uniform. She needs to break down the image of herself as Officer Hytes so that she can be sure that Vanessa doesn’t see her as a dominant or authoritative figure. Not that Vanessa has much respect for her authority anyways. She’s just so worried that Vanessa is only here because Brooke is a cop and she told her to come. She needs Vanessa to be here because she wants to be. 

 

But before she can excuse herself to go shower and change, she notices for the first time that Vanessa’s skirt and vest are soaked from the snow and practically clinging to her body. She feels awful for not having realised sooner. “I think you should take off those wet clothes.” Brooke says softly. 

 

Vanessa looks at her in confusion for a brief moment then replaces the look with a smile. “Oh- okay.” She stutters, getting up from the sofa to stand across from Brooke. She glances her over with a sultry stare, then bends towards her slightly, showing off her cleavage and Brooke simply sits there, not sure of what is going on. 

 

It’s not until Vanessa reaches behind her back and unzips her skirt that that she realises what she’s doing. She realises what Vanessa had thought she meant. Brooke practically leaps off the sofa and clamps her hands on the younger woman’s hips, preventing her skirt from falling. 

 

“Christ, no.” She stammers, shaking her head and gripping the fabric of Vanessa’s skirt tightly. “Fuck, Vanessa.” She says softly, unable to stop herself from sounding horrified, even when her face falls and her eyes go wide with confusion. “Vanessa, you don’t need to do that, that’s not what I meant.”

 

“Oh.” She say softly. “Brooke, I’m sorry. I didn’t know-” She starts, but she trails off and looks awkwardly at the ground. She looks somehow confused, embarrassed, hurt and relieved all at the same time. Brooke feels disgusted with herself that she’d managed to make Vanessa believe she’s brought her here as a sex worker. Like she needs to pay with her body for Brooke’s hospitality. 

 

“No, I’m sorry.” She shakes her head. The sick thing is, she does want her. She wants to pull her into her lap so that she can touch her and taste her all over. “I just… that’s not what I meant. You don’t owe me anything, alright?” 

 

When she’s finished speaking, she expects Vanessa to run out of the apartment and never look back, but to her surprise, she’s smirking. Then she realises that her hands are still on the younger woman’s hips. 

 

Brooke smiles back, trying to ease the tension, but her breath comes out shakey. “If I move my hands, is your skirt going to fall?”

 

Vanessa’s big doe eyes stare up at her through fluttering eyelashes. “Only if you want it to.” She drawls.

 

Brooke’s mouth hangs agape and she pulls her hands away like she’d been holding a hotplate. How the fuck does she do that? How can it be possible to go from vulnerability right back to flirting and teasing within seconds. The sound of Vanessa’s laughter fills the apartment once more.

 

“Baby, it’s just too easy to mess with you.” She grins as though she’s proud herself. 

 

Brooke swallows nervously and wraps her arms around her middle. “So um, you can take a shower if you like? Did you bring pyjamas?” She asks, walking away from Vanessa and trying to put some distance between the two. 

 

“Bitch, I don’t wear pyjamas like you fancy folk.” Vanessa laughs as she follows Brooke down the corridor to the bathroom and Brooke chuckles softly in response. 

 

“I’ll find something for you to put put on.” She tells her with an affectionate smirk. “The shower is in there. Use whatever you like.” 

 

Once Vanessa closes the bathroom door behind her, Brooke forces herself to walk away to her bedroom, desperately trying not to think about Vanessa being naked in the shower. 

 

Brooke smells Vanessa leaving the shower before she sees her enter the living room. From the moment she opens the bathroom door, it’s like there’s been an explosion of every sweet, tropical, fresh scent under the sun. Just like Vanessa, it’s overpowering in all the right ways. The smaller woman pads happily into the living room and Brooke’s face breaks into a smile the moment she sees her. She is wearing Brooke’s fluffy white robe, which usually ends at Brooke’s mid thigh but is grazing she shorter woman’s knees, and hair is piled on top of her head in a towel. 

 

What Brooke finds the most striking is the sight of Vanessa’s face free from makeup. It is utterly stunning. Her skin is soft and smooth, free from all blemishes or wrinkles, and her chestnut eyes sparkle in the light. She finds herself unable to speak on account of the awe, so she’s incredibly grateful when Vanessa goes first. 

 

“Girl, I love those fancy ass soaps you got up in there.” She says as she takes the towel from her head and lets her damp hair fall to frame her face delicately.

 

Brooke laughs loudly. “I can tell, you smell like you used all of them!” She teases, delighting in the blush that creeps up Vanessa’s cheeks. 

 

“I’m going to go take a shower, but I’ve left some pyjamas out on my bed for you.” She tells her, standing up to leave the room. 

 

Whilst in the shower, Brooke can think about nothing but how only moments ago, Vanessa’s naked body occupied this same space. Briefly, she considers grabbing her razor to neaten up her bikini line, then moisturising her entire body,  _ just incase _ , but she refrains. She is desperate to reinforce the message to Vanessa that she’s here because they are friends and she cares about her, not because of Brooke’s carnal urge to fuck her into next week. 

 

Nothing can prepare Brooke for what she sees when she gets back to the living room after her shower. Vanessa is curled up on the sofa with her legs tucked beneath her and both of the cats nuzzled into her lap. She is stroking Apollo idly with one hand and flicking through movies using the remote with the other. It’s like she somehow just… fits. As though before, there was something missing, Brooke just didn’t know what it was. 

 

God fucking damn it, when did she get so sentimental?

 

“You a dirty liar.” Vanessa says accusingly and Brooke is shocked momentarily. “These kitties are friendly as hell.” 

 

“I swear, they aren’t usually like this.” Brooke says, laughing and shaking her head in disbelief. Whenever her friends visited, the cats would sometimes sulk for days. It was so unlike them to be so affectionate to a stranger, but that, she supposed, was the effect Vanessa had. Nobody, not even the cats, could resist being drawn to her.

 

She sat down beside Vanessa, a little closer than she had dared to before and watched whilst she flicked through Netflix. As she did, she noticed that Vanessa had had to roll up the pant legs and the sleeves on the pyjamas she’d lent her,as they were too long, and it melted her fucking heart. 

 

Out of all the films Vanessa could chose from, the very last thing she expected it to be was The Notebook. Maybe Vanessa was just as much of a hopeless romantic as herself? 

 

-x-

 

“Brooke.” She hears a soft voice say. 

 

“Brooke.” A little louder this time.

 

“Brooke!” The voice shouts, causing Brooke to realise it was her name being called. 

 

“What? I’m up.” She mumbles sleepily. She opens her eyes slowly and realises that her face is pressed into someone’s neck and her arm is draped across their waist.

 

Fuck. It’s Vanessa. 

 

She quickly detangles herself from the younger woman’s arms and shuffles away. “Sorry.” She stutters, feeling her cheeks burning with embarrassment, and Vanessa smirks at her. 

 

“You should be sorry, bitch! You missed the ending!” Vanessa says enthusiastically. Brooke can’t believe that Vanessa can maintain such a constant energy level. She rubs the sleep from her eyes and yawns softly. 

 

“I think it’s time for bed.” She yawns again. 

 

Brooke clears away the empty pizza box, straightens the sofa cushions and turns off the lights whilst Vanessa gathers her bags and shoes from the floor and then waits by the doorway. The cats follow her the entire time, which is still beyond perplexing to Brooke. 

 

When she’s finished, she shows Vanessa to the guest room and stands awkwardly in the doorway as they look at one another, both seemingly unsure of what to say. 

 

“Brooke.” Vanessa says gently. “I just um, want to say thank you. You didn’t have to do any of that shit for me, but you did. So yeah um, thanks.” 

 

Brooke sighs happily, amused by Vanessa’s eloquence as always. 

 

“Don’t thank me.” She insists. “Try and get some sleep, tomorrow we can try to arrange a more long term solution.” She wishes more than anything that Vanessa could just abandon her old life and move in with her and the cats, but Brooke knows that isn’t how reality goes.

 

Vanessa shifts uncomfortably on her feet and lets out a nervous laugh. “Is that your smart person way of saying you don’t want a nasty hood rat holed up under your roof?” Her tone says that she’s joking, but her eyes look scared. 

 

“No.” She says softly, taking a small step closer. “No.” She says again, reinforcing the message. 

 

“You ain’t gonna sneak up and arrest me in the night, are you?” She says in her typical, brash tone. The vulnerability is gone and she’s straight back to the jokes. It could almost be predictable at this point, but Brooke is far too exhausted to have seen it coming.

 

Brooke chuckles and shakes her head. “No.” She sighs with a smile. 

 

Then, as if by magic, Vanessa is back to softness and sincerity once more. “Goodnight, Miss Brooke.” She practically whispers, then drops a kiss onto Brooke’s cheek and disappears into the bedroom.

 

-x-

 

The sound of a door softly creaking open in night wakes Brooke up. She panics momentarily, before remembering her guest in the room next door. 

 

At first, she assumes that Vanessa is getting water or using the bathroom, then, she hears the soft clack of her heels on the wooden floors. Curiously, she listens to the sound of her footsteps, then the sound of a muffled string of profanities, followed by the sound of something being dropped to the floor. 

 

“Damn, kitty cat. You scared the shit outta me.” She hears Vanessa say in what she assumes is supposed to be a whisper, but it’s loud enough for Brooke to hear behind a closed door. “Well um, tonight has been fun, but I gotta leave now, kitty. Tell your mama I say goodbye.” Vanessa adds, then sighs deeply. 

 

The sound of her heels clacking on the ground once more follows. 

 

She’s leaving, Brooke realises. 

 

She tries to swallow the lump in her throat, but it won’t budge. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes as she turns away from the door and buries her head in her pillows. She’d thought everything was going so well. They had fun, she seemed relaxed. She’d let Brooke cuddle into her shoulder without being asked. So why the fuck was she leaving?

 

Don’t cry. She tells herself over and over again. Don’t fucking cry. If she wants to leave, you can’t stop her.

 

She hears the sound of Vanessa’s footsteps getting further and further away, and momentarily considers chasing her, but then the unexpected happens. “Fuck it.” She hears, followed by what sounds like bags being dropped to the floor, followed by more fumbling. 

 

Then she hears Vanessa’s footsteps getting closer, only this time she isn’t wearing any shoes. 

 

When Brooke hears her own bedroom door squeak open, she’s unable to move. She swallows nervously as Vanessa enters the room and shuts the door. Before she realises what’s happening, Vanessa is pulling back the covers and slipping into bed behind her. 

 

Brooke feels as though she can’t breathe. Every muscle in her body tenses as she waits for Vanessa’s next move, then slowly, she starts to shuffle closer to her. When she stops, Brooke can feel her warm breath on the back of her neck and her fingers ghosting over her hip. 

 

“I know you’re awake, baby.” Vanessa whispers, tracing delicate patterns with her fingers on the sliver of exposed skin. 

 

She considers pretending that she hasn’t heard her and committing to the lie, but her body betrays her with a shiver. She thinks that she has two options here. She can either kick Vanessa out and pretend this never happened, or she can turn round and fuck her into the mattress. 

 

She decides on neither however, when she feels Vanessa’s arm snake further around her waist and Vanessa’s leg slip between hers. They’re both exhausted. Vanessa was kicked out of her apartment tonight. Sure, she’d love to utterly ravish her, but tonight, Vanessa just needs a friend.

 

“Your feet are freezing.” Brooke hisses, but neither make any move to change positions. 

 

Tentatively, Brooke covers the small hand resting on her stomach with her own, then interlaces their fingers. Neither speak for what feels like an eternity. 

 

“Were you going to leave?” Brooke whispers. 

 

Vanessa’s body goes stiff against Brooke’s back for a moment before she sighs. “Yes.”

 

Another long silence follows. 

 

“Why did you come back?”  _ Why did you get into my bed?  _ She asks, unsure of whether she wants to know the answer. 

 

But it turns out, whether she wants to know the answer or not is irrelevant as Vanessa simply brushes her lips against the exposed skin on the back of Brooke’s neck, then nuzzles further into her. 

 

Before long, Vanessa is asleep, snoring softly and leaving Brooke alone in the darkness to try and figure out what the fuck is happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a little longer than I had planned for it to, thanks to all the wonderful comments on the first chapter. 
> 
> All of the brilliant feedback made me get in my head about characterisations and whatnot, which made it take a little longer. Hopefully, the chapter lives up to the expectations set by the first.
> 
> Please feel free to let me know what you think!


	3. Too intense and too uncertain.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke wonders about the state of their relationship, as tries to help Vanessa get back on her feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: minor sexual assault/ groping mentioned

Brooke wakes up to an empty bed. 

 

Her eyes flutter open as she feels the light from the break in the curtains across her face. It takes her a moment to realise why it feels so wrong to be waking up alone. 

 

Vanessa had been there. She had crept into her room and held her all night long. Brooke had felt the soft rise and fall of her chest against her back as she stared into the darkness, wondering if it was all a dream. 

 

But now, she’s gone. 

 

Brooke rolls over to face the side where Vanessa had been. The smell of her fruity shampoo lingers on the pillow and she resists the urge to bury her face in the soft fabric, but before she can give to much thought as to why Vanessa had left without saying anything, she realises that she can smell burning. Then the smoke alarm sounds.

 

In that moment, her police training kicks in. Something is wrong, there’s no time for any other thought but keeping everyone safe. With a focused mind, she practically leaps out of bed and makes a beeline for the door. 

 

“Vanessa? Are you still here?” She calls then knocks firmly on the guest bedroom door. “We need to leave.” She tells her, scanning the floor for the cats. She notices Henry scampering through the hallway and grabs him from the ground, then turns her attention back to the guest room. She gives Vanessa one more moment to answer, then pushes she door open.

 

Vanessa’s things are still there, but she is not. 

 

“Vanessa?” She calls, more urgently this time. She pushes open the bathroom door that is ajar and sees that she isn’t in there, then heads for the rest of the apartment. 

 

As she approaches the doorway she hears a loud, brash, crude string of profanities. The smell of burning gets stronger. “Vanessa, are you okay?” She shouts, rushing towards the direction of the noise. 

 

“Fuck fuck fuck. Sweet Jesus. Work Bertha!” She hears Vanessa yelling as she rushes into the kitchen. Brooke is just about ready to have to drag Vanessa out of a burning apartment, until she sees her. 

 

The younger woman is standing in the middle of the kitchen trying to reach the button on the smoke detector with the end of a wooden spoon with one hand, and holding what looks to be a frying pan of charcoal in the other. She stops yelling and smiles sheepishly when she sees Brooke. “Good morning.” She says with a grin. 

 

Okay, maybe Brooke had over reacted. 

 

She places a very confused, skittish Henry back onto the ground, then takes the spoon from Vanessa and uses it to switch off the alarm. She looks at Vanessa with a questioning eyebrow raised. “Good morning.” She sighs in relief. 

 

“I um, tried to make eggs. But I think your pan is broken or something cause this bitch got way too hot and burnt ‘em. Stupid motherfucker, it was gonna be all surprising and shit. ” She says, starting softly, but ending by shouting at the pan in her hand. How she had this much energy at this time in the morning, Brooke would never know. 

 

Brooke shook her head and laughed in amusement, failing to keep the grin away. #Well it certainly was surprising.” She chuckles, taking the pan from Vanessa’s hand and dropping it into the sink. 

 

Vanessa blushes and rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. “My bad.” She shrugs. “I made you coffee too.” She adds, gesturing to the cup on the counter. Brooke feels her heart melt at the gesture. 

 

She picks up the cup gratefully, needing something to calm her nerve after her shock awakening, but when she takes a sip, a gravelly, gritty solution fills her mouth. Her eyes flare wide in surprise and she spits the liquid back into the cup. Vanessa looks at her like she’s just kicked a puppy. “Jesus, Vanessa. Did you not use the filter?” 

 

“Who that?” Vanessa asks, looking embarrassed. “I just mixed it with water. Did I do it wrong?”

 

Brooke laughs again, wondering how it was possible for one woman to make her feel so many emotions within her first five minutes of being awake. “This isn’t instant coffee, it’s filter coffee. You have to use the coffee maker.” She explains, gesturing to the machine on the counter. 

 

Vanessa’s blush on her cheeks deepens and she wrings her hands in discomfort. “Sorry.” She says softly. 

 

Brooke is quick to shake her head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s the thought that counts.” She shrugs, then dumps the coffee in the sink. “Go get dressed, I’ll take you somewhere for breakfast.” 

 

Vanessa accepts gratefully and as she walks away, Brooke realises what she’s wearing. From the front it had just looked like she was wearing an oversized, nondescript, black t-shirt, but now she can see the faded white lettering on the back. 

 

_ Toronto Police Academy -  Graduating Class of 2009 _

 

In the space of twelve hours, Vanessa has come into her home, tamed her cats, slept in her bed, attempted to cook her breakfast and is now helping herself to Brooke’s clothing. 

 

The intensity of it all makes Brooke’s breath catch in her throat. This type of thing isn’t supposed to happen to people like Brooke. She’s careful. She plans things. Nothing takes her by surprise anymore. 

 

Yet somehow, Vanessa has come into Brooke’s life like a tornado. But all she is destructing are the walls that Brooke has built around herself. Around her heart. 

 

-x-

 

When Vanessa emerges from the bedroom around half an hour later, Brooke is surprised at how different she looks. For some reason, Brooke had assumed that all Vanessa owned was mini skirts and cropped t-shirts, but here she stands in tight black jeans, a crimson sweater and battered high top converse. She’s applied a light coat of makeup to her eyes, but other than that, her face is bare and her hair is pulled back into a tousled bun. 

 

“Have I ruined the illusion, Mami?” Vanessa laughs and Brooke realises she’s staring. 

 

“What? No. It’s just- You just look different. In a good way. You look good.” Brooke stammers, unable to stop the rambling. She suddenly feels very self conscious about the leggings and flannel shirt combination that she’s chosen for herself. Then, before she realises what’s happening, Vanesa is reaching up and plucking the grey beanie hat from her head and her long, blonde hair tumbles down to her shoulders. 

 

“You look cuter without it.” She shrugs, tossing the hat into Brooke’s bedroom.

 

“Lets um- We should go, right?” She stutters, feeling a blush burn at her cheeks. Vanessa smiles in amusement and allows Brooke to lead her through the apartment. 

 

Once in the below ground parking garage, Vanessa heads for the passenger side of Brooke’s cop car. “What are you doing?” Brooke asks with a smile. 

 

“Bitch, don’t tell me I gotta sit in the back seat again? Cause I’m not about to pull up at IHOP looking like a criminal.” 

 

Brooke laughs and shakes her head quickly. “No, no. I just can’t take the cop car when I’m not at work, we have to go in my car.” She explains, gesturing to the old, dark green, Land Rover Discovery beside them. 

 

“Oh right.” Vanessa says bashfully, blushing as she crosses to the the passenger side of the vehicle. There is a brief, awkward silence as Brooke gets into the driver’s seat as she’s suddenly aware of how real this is. 

 

Vanessa isn’t hanging out with Officer Hytes anymore, she’s experiencing the real Brooke. They’re in Brooke’s own car, about to drive away from her apartment where they spent the night cuddled up together in her bed. The anxiety grips at her chest almost as tightly as her fingers grip at the steering wheel, but she forces herself to take a deep breath and remain calm. 

 

“Anyways, we don’t have an IHOP in Toronto.”

 

-x-

 

The short journey to the local diner that Brooke has chosen is… tense. Vanessa chats all the way there about seemingly anything she can think of: the lady on the sidewalk’s ugly purse, the flavour of syrup she wants on her pancakes, the songs on the radio. But Brooke barely says two words, just nodding and agreeing in all the right places.  

 

Brooke had been so on edge about what Vanessa would say about why she almost left, only to drop her bags by the door and hop into Brooke’s bed, that she is frankly offended that Vanessa acts as though nothing happened.  _ This is why you’ve never been in a relationship.  _ She scolds herself.   _ You overthink things and drive people away with your inability to just fucking relax.  _ She’s torturing herself, she knows, but she can’t stop. 

 

When they arrive at the diner, Vanessa is either unaware of Brooke’s anxiety, or has the good sense not to bring it up, which she is grateful for.  She feels as though she may be on auto pilot, leading Vanessa to the entrance, then following the waitress to a booth in the back corner. She feels too sick to eat, so she orders coffee whilst Vanessa orders pancakes.  

 

After a moment, she realises that Vanessa must have asked her a question, as she’s staring at her expectantly. 

 

“Sorry.” Brooke mumbles. 

 

“I asked if you’re all good, baby. You seem tense.”

 

Busted. “I’ll be fine after I’ve had my coffee.” Brooke lies.Vanessa looks at her sceptically for a moment before shrugging her shoulders. “So, do you have any idea what you want to do next? We could try and find you a different apartment, or-”

 

Vanessa cuts her off by shaking her head. “Nah, I’m probably just gonna go back home.” 

 

“To the place where your roommate kicked you out of?”

 

“Yeah.” She shrugs again. “It happens all the time.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I’ve known this hoe for years, she knows I’m never gonna do her dirty on the rent money, but sometimes if we fight about other shit she uses she rent as an excuse to kick my ass out onto the street.” 

 

Brooke winces at Vanessa’s insistence on loudly using profanities at 9am in a family diner. “Right.” Brooke says slowly. “But how can you know for sure that she’ll let you back in?” 

 

“I just gotta apologise for all the shit I said about her good for nothing man.” Vanessa grumbles as she pours the third sachet of sugar into her coffee.  

 

“She kicked you out because you offended her boyfriend?” Brooke says in disbelief. It all seems so high school.  

 

“Its more comlic- there’s more to it than that.” 

 

Brooke raises her eyebrow to indicate that Vanessa should elaborate. 

 

“I’ve lived with Yvie since I got my ass kicked outa high school at sixteen. We were kickin it down in Tampa, living the good life, then last year she met this Canadian guy. She decided she loves the bitch, or whatever, so we’ve gotta pack out shit and drive ten thousand miles to move to this cold ass place.”

 

Brooke rolls her eyes affectionately when she realises Vanessa thinks there’s ten thousand miles between here and Florida.  It’s something so small, and it catches her off guard, but it’s absolutely adorable. 

 

“So anyways I’m tryna make it work out here cause I got nowhere else to go, but Yvie’s man starts getting a little handsy with me, so of course I’m gonna call the bitch out. But then Yvie got all defensive and calling me a hoe, then she brought up the rent thing and here we are.” She finishes, gesturing around them. 

 

Vanessa tells her story without taking a breath, so Brooke only just managed to keep up, but she thinks she’s understood enough. Her eyes flare wide with anger. “Vanessa, when you say ‘handsy’ what do you mean?” She swears that if this guy had laid one single finger on Vanessa she will break his hand. 

 

Vanessa shakes her head quickly. “Nothing I’m not used to. He’s just the same as all the other guys that think because I do what I do, they’ve got a right to touch my body.”

 

“That’s not okay.” 

 

“I didn’t say it was okay. I just said I’m used to it.” 

 

Brooke feels a surge of anger and she has to clench her fists by her sides to stop her from running out of the diner to find and arrest every guy that’s ever hurt her.  She sighs deeply and turns back to Vanessa. “You know that I can’t take you back there now that you’ve told me that, right?” 

 

Vanessa shrugs. “He doesn’t live with us.”

 

“Still.”

 

“Brooke, it’s fine. I can handle myself and I want to go back.” She snaps and Brooke is stunned by her brashness, but not for long as the food and drinks arrive before she can reply. 

 

“At least let me come with you, maybe I can help you work out something with the rent?” She asks softly.  The real reason of course is that she wants to see for herself that this guy doesn’t live there. She can’t let Vanessa go back to a situation where she isn’t safe. 

 

“Whatever.” Vanessa agrees bluntly, then turns her attention to her pancakes. Her eyes go wide in delight as she tastes them. “Brooke you have to try these.” She says excitedly. 

 

In typical Vanessa fashion, it’s as though she hadn’t been annoyed only moments ago. She’s straight back to her bubbly, hyperactive self. Brooke decides to stop resisting. If that’s how Vanessa wants to be, then fine, she thinks as she takes the fork from her with a smirk. 

 

The rest of the meal passes delightfully. Brooke’s anxieties slip away as Vanessa chatters incessantly with a huge, bright smile on her face. She tries to swat her hand away multiple times as Vanessa waves a fork full of pancake towards her face, but eventually accepts and lets Vanessa feed her. This is what she wants it to be like, not bickering over Vanessa’s roommate’s shitty boyfriend. To the outside world, they must look like two fools on a breakfast date, making too much noise with their laughter, but Brooke doesn’t care. She doesn’t care about anything other than the thought of how sugary and sweet Vanessa’s lips must be. 

 

At the end of the meal however, reality comes crashing back in. Brooke pays for their meal, and they walk together back to her car having decided that it’s probably best to take Vanessa home sooner rather than later. 

 

-x-

 

Brooke feels tense on the way to Vanessa’s apartment. When they stop at Brooke’s for Vanessa’s things, she briefly considers changing into her uniform. There is a certain safety in being Officer Hytes, it gives her a sense of confidence that’s unmatched by anything else. But she decides against it. She reminds herself that she isn’t going to help Vanessa as an officer of the law, she’s going to help her because she’s her friend. If this is going to continue, she needs to keep her work life and her private life separate as far as possible. That means no using her uniform as a security blanket. 

 

If Vanessa is nervous too, she doesn’t show it. Instead she sings happily along with the radio, dancing vigorously. She didn’t even drink coffee this morning. There is no logical explanation for one tiny human being possessing so much energy. 

 

As they pull up to Vanessa’s building, Brooke thinks about how maybe this is a terrible idea. What if Yvie recognises from when she was there yesterday. What if she makes a complaint to the police department about the cop that hauled her friend away in a cop car one day then brought her back in civilian clothes the next. God, she’s going to lose her job. She’s going to have to work as a security guard in a mall for the rest of her life. 

 

_ You’re spiralling.  _

 

She looks over at Vanessa, who smiles at her reassuringly, reminding Brooke what she’s there for.

 

As Vanessa knocks on the apartment door, Brooke worries that she might have to break up a fight, given how riled up Vanessa had been yesterday, but as soon as the door opens the two woman pull each other into a hug.

 

“I’m sorry girl, that shit yesterday was not cute.” Yvie tells Vanessa, who returns the sentiment. Brooke stands awkwardly in the doorway, wondering if she should just set down Vanessa’s bag that she is holding and leave, then Yvie pulls away from Vanessa and looks up at her. 

 

She sees a brief look of confusion on Yvies face as she looks back and forth between Vanessa and Brooke. “I didn’t think cops were allowed to date criminals.” She says accusingly. God, she’s exactly like Vanessa, with no pretense whatsoever. Is Brooke the only person who understands small talk anymore?

 

“Um- We’re not… That’s not why I’m- And Vanessa hasn’t actually been arrested for anything, so… I don’t think I’m needed here I’m just going to-” She stammers, fumbling with Vanessa’s bags in her hand, then Yvie cuts her off with a very loud and unusual laugh. 

 

“Damn Vanjie, you got this woman calling you  _ Vanessa _ ? This shit must be the real deal.” She laughs and Brooke didn’t know it was possible for her to blush any harder. 

 

“Okay, I’m going to leave.” Brooke says, setting Vanessa’s bag down on the floor. 

 

“No wait.” Vanessa laughs, following Brooke into the hall and closing the door behind them. “Hold on.” She says, resting her fingertips on Brooke’s wrist. “Hoe, I know you got that ear pressed up against the door. Beat it.” She yells, kicking the door frame for emphasis. 

 

“Sorry about her.” Vanessa laughs awkwardly and Brooke shrugs. 

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright here?” Brooke asks softly, then realises that Vanessa is still holding her wrist. She doesn’t move her arm away. 

 

“I’m gonna be just fine, baby.” Vanessa says sincerely, giving her a gentle squeeze, then releasing her. “I should probably get your number though, just incase.” She adds with a flirtatious smirk.

 

“Probably.” Brooke grins back, holding her hand out for Vanessa’s phone. She punches her number in quickly and saves the contact as Brooke followed by the cat emoji, then hands the phone back.

 

“Thanks, Brooke.” Vanessa says so softly that Brooke has to dig her fingernails into her palms to stop herself from pushing her up against the door and slamming their lips together. 

 

“Anytime.” She practically whispers, then daringly, drops a gentle kiss onto Vanessa’s cheek. When she pulls away, Vanessa is looking up at her like she might drag back down for another.  _ God, please do.  _ But she doesn’t. 

 

-x-

 

Brooke is almost halfway home when a text message notification sounds on her phone and she glances down briefly to look at it. 

 

_ I had a great time last night, thanks for everything. Tell those kitties I’ll see them again soon!  _

_ Ps: You’re a great cuddler. - Vanessa x  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and leaving kudos/ comments on previous chapters. Feedback and constructive criticism is welcomed! 
> 
> Also I have no beta so please excuse any minor mistakes.


	4. Too vulnerable and too far away.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke can’t understand the nature of her relationship with Vanessa, but one evening Vanessa calls her in tears and suddenly she has bigger things to worry about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning; violence. 
> 
> Sorry for the angst

Brooke expects that after Vanessa’s night at her apartment, that their relationship will change. 

She thinks that maybe they will start dating. She could take her to somewhere other than a diner or a fast food chain, or they could go to the movies, or any of the other first date things that Brooke has never done. She imagines that Vanessa would send her good morning texts at nearly noon, but they’d be too riddled with cute emojis for Brooke to care how late they are. Maybe they could lay on the bonnet of Brooke’s car, under the stars, and make out for hours. 

But what Brooke doesn’t expect is for nothing to change at all. 

Well, not  _ nothing _ , per se. Vanessa certainly makes use of Brooke’s number in her phone and they message fairly regularly, but that’s about it. 

Instead of arranging sappy dates and holding hands like excitable teenagers, most weekends Vanessa will hop into Brooke’s car whilst she’s on patrol. Technically, it’s against the rules, so Vanessa knows that she has to hop out quickly if anything happens, but Brooke tends to drive around the more quiet neighbourhoods to prevent that. 

The hour or so that they spend together each week isn’t much, but Brooke loves it. They chat about their lives, usually over fast food or ice cream, or whatever Brooke has picked up for them that week. She’s learnt that Vanessa is an only child and about her childhood dog Riley. She learnt that even though she was kicked out of school at sixteen, she loved art. She also loves dancing, but Brooke didn’t need to be told to work that one out. Every time a song comes on the radio that she likes, Vanessa will practically squeal with excitement, claim it’s her favourite song and dance as best as she can in the passenger seat. 

Last week, she had four ‘favourite songs’ in the same journey. 

Brooke is a little slower to talk about her own life, much preferring to hear about Vanessa. Eventually, she lets it slip that she wanted to be a ballerina when she was a kid, earning her the nickname Twinkle Toes. She tells Vanessa about how growing up gay in a religious, conservative household had its struggles, but that her mother accepted her and eventually learned to change her deeply ingrained beliefs. Vanessa says that she hopes she can meet her some day. 

In Brooke’s head, she likes to pretend that they’re dating. 

Sometimes, Brooke will take her break so that she can drive Vanessa to the outskirts of the city and park up on the shore of Lake Ontario. Watching Vanessa try to skim rocks, whilst wearing five inch heels and a borrowed Toronto PD sweater that grazes her mid calves, makes Brooke’s heart swell, but she forces herself to compartmentalise her feelings. 

She knows that they’re just friends. She’s fine with it. 

She can let herself relax, laugh and enjoy every minute of her time with Vanessa, right up until when she has to drop her off right back on the curb side where she picked her up. 

That’s when she usually cries. 

She drives for a few blocks so that she’s sure Vanessa wont see her, then pulls her car to the side of the road, switches off the engine and drops her face into her hands. 

Brooke wants to be with Vanessa so badly that it hurts. 

She also worries about her constantly, but can never say anything. She doesn’t want to be an overbearing friend, trying to change the way Vanessa lives. There’s also their age difference to take into account, Brooke is seven and a half years older and she worries that any suggestion that Vanessa look after herself better may come across as patronising. So instead, Brooke forces herself to stay silent.

This cycle continues for close to three months before she finally snaps. 

She’s on patrol on an nondescript Tuesday when she realises suddenly that she’s just run her second red light. Because all she can fucking think about is Vanessa. Taking a deep breath, Brooke pulls over to the side of the road.

Brooke has never been a big drinker, but smoking is her vice. She leans over and fumbles with the glove box, practically ragging the handle off to get to the pack of cigarettes on the inside. Momentarily, she considers smoking in the car, but not only is it against the rules, she really could do with some fresh air. 

Once out of the car, Brooke props herself up against the wall in the doorway of an abandoned store and with trembling hands, lights the cigarette at her lips. 

The first breath doesn’t calm her as it usually does, nor does the second. She’s taking another cigarette from the pack and lighting that one before she manages to form a coherent thought. When she does, she’s hit with a barrage of questions that she wishes she had the guts to ask Vanessa. 

_ Are we dating? Do you want to date me? Should I ask you on a date? Would you say yes? Why haven’t you asked me on a date? Do you even like me? Are we friends? What are we? _

Then, without really intending for it to, her mind spirals to darker places. 

_ Are you safe? Do you ever get hurt out there? Would you tell me if you did? Do you get scared being alone in the streets at night? I get scared for you. I want you to be safe. I wish I could protect you.  _

The more she thinks, the more her mind spirals further and further away from reality. She worries that Vanessa doesn’t even like her. That maybe the whole reason they’re friends is because she wants the benefit of being friends with a cop incase something ever went wrong. Or maybe the only reason they hang out is so that Vanessa can have an hour out of the cold and a free meal. 

She thinks back to a text that Vanessa sent her last week. 

_ Can’t wait to see you, Mami. I was thinking Chinese food and a drive out to the lake? Or whatever. I think it’s your week to pick x _

But surely she didn’t actually mean she was excited to see her, right? 

Brooke knows she’s torturing herself. She’s upset and exhausted and frustrated all at the same time, but she can’t do anything about it. She’s an over thinker- its in her nature. 

She’s in the process of fumbling for her third cigarette when her phone vibrates in her pocket. She pulls it out and inhales sharply when she sees the name on the screen. 

Vanessa. Followed by four orange heart emojis. 

Maybe she is still frustrated with herself, or maybe the exhaustion is getting to her, because she can’t help but sighing when she brings the phone to her ear. “This is a bad time, Ness, can I call you back?” She mutters harshly .

She hears sniffling in response. Vanessa is breathing heavily. Someone is yelling in the background. 

“I need you to come get me.”

The colour drains from Brooke’s cheeks and the cigarette falls from her fingers. “My god.” She breathes out, then regains her composure. “Where are you?” She quickly switches the call to speakerphone and gets back into her car, placing the phone on her lap as she does. Vanessa mumbles something incoherent in response. “Vanessa, where are you? What’s going on?” 

“H-home. I’m at home.” 

“Okay.” Brooke takes a deep breath as she switches on her lights and sirens. Technically, she shouldn’t use them unless given a direct order, but she’s making the call for herself. This is an emergency. “Try to stay calm. I’m on the way.” She reassures her. 

“Okay. Hurry.” Vanessa says softly, then disconnects the call. 

-x-

When she arrives at the building, Brooke presses the intercom button for every apartment in the building until one of them lets her in, then takes the stairs two at a time to get to Vanessa’s door. 

“Police. Open up.” She calls, then bangs her fist three times on the door. She takes a step back, bracing herself to kick the door down, but before she can it swings open in front of her. Yvie scowls as she looks Brooke up and down, and she practically has to shove her out of the way to get through. 

The first room she comes to is a small living and kitchen area. Standing by the fridge is a man holding a bag of frozen veg to his knuckles. Brooke’s eyes flare in anger as she looks between the man and Yvie, who followed her into the room. 

“Where is she?” Brooke demands, her breathing laboured. Yvie shrugs and looks to the floor and Brooke takes a step closer to her. “Where the fuck is Vanessa?” She sneers. 

“Her bedroom.” 

She tears through the apartment looking for Vanessa’s bedroom. She recognises the right room as soon as she opens the door, since it has been the backdrop to a couple of facetime calls. For a moment, she thinks that Vanessa isn’t in there, until she sees her curled up in the corner, wearing the jumper that Brooke had bought her when they’d first met. 

Brooke is by her side in an instant, crouching in front of her and gently pulling down her hood. “Hey, it’s alright.” She says softly. “I’m here. What’s happened?” Brooke’s breath catches in her throat as she sees Vanessa’s face. Her makeup is smudged down her cheeks and her lip is swollen and bleeding. 

“That stupid asshole isn’t good enough for her.” Vanessa mutters angrily. “He’s been cheating on her. We had to move to a different fucking country for that bitch and this is how he repays her?” 

Brooke can see she’s balling her fists up at her sides in anger, so gently, she covers Vanessa’s hands with her own and rubs soothing patterns on the skin with her thumbs. “Did he do this?” She asks softly, gesturing to her lip. Vanessa moves one hand from beneath Brooke’s and wipes away tears from the corners of her eyes as she nods. 

“I’m sorry, Brooke.”

“What are you sorry for?” 

Vanessa looks away and starts picking at the carpet beside them. “‘Cause you supposed to be at work but instead you’re here fixing my stupid ass problems.”

The mention of the word work makes Brooke inhale sharply as she realises what she has to do to protect Vanessa. “Don’t be sorry.” She says reassuringly as she takes out her phone. She stands up and perches on the edge of Vanessa’s bed she punches in the station number. 

“Hello dispatch? This is Officer Hytes requesting back up at a domestic dispute at an address in downtown.” She needs another officer to come and take Yvie’s good for nothing boyfriend to the station so that she can stay with Vanessa, but the younger woman’s eyes flare open and she scrambles to her feet. 

“No, Brooke, you don’t have to-”

Brooke covers the phone with her hand. “I do.” She say quietly, then gives dispatch the address. 

After the phone call she leaves Vanessa, with strict instructions not to leave her room, to check on Yvie and her boyfriend. There’s a lot of shouting and protesting. Yvie calls Vanessa every name under the sun, insisting that this is her fault, and it breaks Brooke’s heart. Yvie is so wrapped up in her love for this man that she can’t see how much of a monster he is. There’s a brief struggle, but Brooke manages to cuff the man until backup arrives. 

When Officer Shuga Cain, she takes the man from Brooke’s custody and bundles him into the back of her car as Brooke leads Vanessa down to the street too, sitting her in the passenger seat of her own vehicle. Vanessa sits on the edge of the seat and faces out to the open door and Brooke moves to crouch in front of her.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I need to take a statement and a couple of pictures.”

She’s never called her baby before. 

Vanessa shakes her head softly. “Can’t we just go now?”

“Nessa, it’s my job. I have to.” She tells her regretfully, in a hushed tone so that Officer Cain can’t hear how gentle she’s being to a woman that is supposed to be a stranger. 

Once she’s finished taking Vanessa’s formal statement of what happened, she leans in close to the younger woman and runs two delicate fingers along her jaw, causing her to look up. “It’s okay. I’m here now.” She whispers. 

Vanessa smiles gratefully and leans in to Brooke’s touch before her eyes snap open and she jerks away. Then Brooke hears someone clearing their throat behind her, shoulder. 

“Officer Cain.” She stutters, standing quickly. Cain looks at Brooke with narrowed eyes for a moment before turning to Vanessa.

“Do you have somewhere safe to go tonight, ma’am?”

Brooke meets Vanessa’s eyes and nods almost imperceptibly, then Vanessa smiles and nods too. “Yeah I gotta friend that’ll take me in.” 

“I can drive her there.” Brooke adds quickly. 

Cain glances skeptically between Brooke and Vanessa, then quirks an eyebrow at Brooke. “How did you get here so quickly, Officer Hytes? Dispatch told us that yours was the first call about this incident.”

Brooke swallows nervously. She hates lying, but she can’t tell the truth either. “I was driving by and and one of the neighbours flagged me down.” She fumbles over her words and Officer Cain shoots her a warning glare. 

She knows that she can get in trouble for whatever’s happening with Vanessa, but in this moment it’s too hard to care. She just wants to get her home. 

-x-

“Fuck.” Vanessa hisses in pain as Brooke runs the damp cloth over her lip.

Vanessa squirms away from the cloth so Brooke moves her hand to the back of her neck to hold her in place. “Hold still, baby, I’m nearly finished.” She whispers. 

She called Vanessa baby for the first time this evening and since then, she hasn’t been able to stop. It just rolls off her tongue so naturally. 

When she’s finished, she winces at Vanessa swollen lip and runs her thumb over the skin. “Not too pretty now, I guess?” She laughs awkwardly, looking to the floor. 

Brooke hooks her finger under Vanessa’s chin and forces her to look up. “You are beautiful.” She whispers. 

Their faces are so close together. Brooke could kiss her. She could just do it. Finally. 

But she can’t. 

Vanessa is staring at her with those huge, brown eyes and they’re so full of emotion. She’s scared… and vulnerable. She’s been through so much tonight and no matter how badly Brooke wants to pull her into her lap and kiss her senseless, it’s not the right time. 

Vanessa’s eyes flutter closed and she covers Brooke’s hand with her own, then presses a gentle kiss into the skin. 

-x-

Close to a week passes and Brooke feels like she’s walking on eggshells around Vanessa. 

She’s been living in the spare room, as she’s still not speaking to Yvie, but since it’s Vanessa, it can’t just be that simple. She’s barely eating one minute, moping around in Brooke’s dressing gown, but the next she will be dancing around with cats with her music on full volume, without a care in the world. 

It’s exhausting. Brooke is on edge constantly. She never knows what to expect when she walks through her front door, but her anxiety always forces her to assume the worst.  So, when she gets home after a long shift one night to the sound of crying, she all but runs to her. 

Vanessa is curled up on the sofa with the cats on her lap, sobbing. It’s the kind of ugly, uncontrollable sobs that shake a person’s body to the core. Brooke quickly sheds her coat and toes off her boots, then crouches beside the sofa close to Vanessa face. She shushes her and gently strokes the hair off her face. “What’s happened, baby?” 

“She’s gone.” Vanessa chokes out. 

“Who’s gone?” 

“Yvie.”

“Oh. Where has she-“

“Back to Tampa. She’s gone back to Tampa and she’s fucking left me here.” 

Vanessa’s hands are balled into fists and her fingernails look like they may puncture her skin, so Brooke covers her hands and rubs the skin soothingly so that she will loosen her grip. Her whole body is shivering. “Its okay.” She offers meekly. 

“It’s not fucking okay.” Vanessa snaps angrily, pulling away from her and moving to the opposite end of the sofa. She runs her trembling hands through her hair. “I’ve lived with that hoe for ten fucking years. I don’t have nowhere else to go. I cant afford airfare back to Tampa and even if I could, there’s nothing there for me. I don’t have nobody there either.”

Brooke winces. She hates people raising their voice at her, even if she knows Vanessa can’t help it. 

_ You have me.  _ She thinks, but she can’t bring herself to say it. 

She feels tears pricking at the corners of her eyes but she blinks them away. This isn’t about her. “Nessa, I know you. You’re going to get through this.” She says, but Vanessa doesn’t smile. She looks lost. It’s gut wrenching to see. 

“What am I going to do?” She sniffles. 

Brooke knows the right answer. 

The right thing to do is pay for Vanessa’s airfare back to Tampa. 

But she’s too fucking selfish to let herself say it. 

“You can move in with me.” She stammers. 

Vanessa’s eye snap up to meet hers quickly then she shakes her head. “Brooke I appreciate all the shit you do for me, but I ain’t nobody’s charity case.” 

Brooke shakes her head quickly, rushing before she has a chance to change her mind. “No, no, it wouldn’t be like that. You can pay rent on the spare room, whatever you were paying before, just until you can save enough for the airfare home or whatever you want. Stay as long as you need to.”

_ Stay with me. Please.  _

Vanessa inhales sharply and wipes the remaining tears from her cheeks and legs out a noise that’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob before shaking her head again. “Why are you doing this for me?”

_ Because I want you so badly that the idea of you leaving makes me physically sick and I know it’s selfish to keep you in a town you hate when I can afford to send you home, but the past six months that I’ve known you have been the best months of my life and I think I might be falling in love for the first time.  _

“Because you’re my friend.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot with this chapter as Vanessa and Brooke are vulnerable in a way that we don’t see IRL, so there’s nothing to compare their reactions to. I tried to stay as true to the world I have created as possible, so I hope noting seems too out of character. 
> 
> Having said that, I welcome constructive criticism. So if there’s anything you feel doesn’t fit, please let me know. 
> 
> Also I have no beta so please excuse any minor mistakes.


	5. Too frantic and too harsh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke adores Vanessa and the new light she brings into her life, but she quickly begins to understand that being so close to someone she desires so much is like its own form of torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: anxiety/ intrusive thoughts.

“Easy does it. Feel free to slow down.”

 

“I got this.”

 

“Just make sure you’re keeping an eye on the speedometer.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Nessa, slow down!”

 

“Calm down, Mary!”

 

“Okay, sorry. You’re right, you’re doing gre-- JESUS FUCK! Use your turn signals!”

 

In hindsight, offering to teach Vanessa how to drive wasn’t one of Brooke’s best ideas. 

 

When Vanessa had told her that nobody had ever taught her how to drive, Brooke had been eager to volunteer, thinking it would be a good way for them to spend more time together. She also hoped that if Vanessa could drive, she could get to know the city a little better and maybe it could feel more like her home. When she’d first had the idea, there really had been no down sides.

 

But now, as Brooke clutches onto the fabric of the passenger seat of her car whilst Vanessa barrels down the highway, she’s beginning to rethink. She really should’ve seen it coming, since Vanessa is physically incapable of operating at anything less than a ten, but maybe she was just blindsided by her crushing desire to make her happy. Unfortunately, the very things that Brooke adore about Vanessa - her fiery temperament, her unrelenting energy, her inability to act on anything other than impulse - are all the things that make her the world’s worst driver. 

 

Okay, maybe not the world’s worst, she hasn’t caused an accident yet, but she’s definitely up there. 

 

But every time Brooke considers cutting the lesson short and insisting that they swap seats, she looks over and sees Vanessa’s face. She sees the ear to ear grin, sees the younger woman practically glowing with excitement, and Brooke just can’t bring herself to tell her to stop. 

 

“You’re doing great, baby.” She says reassuringly, relishing in the blush on Vanessa’s cheeks, but silently praying they make it home in one piece. 

 

Gradually, she directs Vanessa further and further out of the city, onto the more quiet roads. So what if it will take them longer to get home afterwards? There’s nothing else Brooke would rather do today. Eventually, Vanessa seems to relax and it shows significantly in the way that she drives, so Brooke lets out a soft sigh of relief.

 

“Let me know if you want me to take over.” She reminds her, as she relaxes into her seat for the first time and allows Vanessa to decide where she wants to take them. 

 

-x- 

 

Brooke would be lying if she said living with Vanessa is turning out exactly how she wanted it to, but for the first time in her life, she’s genuinely, truly happy. The first night that Vanessa had visited her home, all those months ago, Brooke had idly though that Vanessa had filled some kind of void that she hadn’t known existed. That seemed to be true now more than ever. 

 

Having someone around waiting for her when she got home from work, someone to taste the food whilst she cooks, or someone hang out with when it’s too rainy to go outdoors… the little things - that what Brooke’s been missing. What she’d been craving. 

 

It doesn’t matter that they aren’t together romantically. That they  _ can’t _ be together romantically. 

 

Or, at least, that’s what Brooke tells herself. 

 

In Brooke’s mind, the reason they can’t be together is that she knows she’s become someone Vanessa relies on. If she wouldn’t have let her move in, Vanessa would’ve had very few other options. Brooke is acutely aware of this whenever she toys with the idea of just saying ‘fuck it’ and letting Vanessa know exactly what she wants. 

 

She worries that, if she were to make a move, Vanessa would feel obligated to reciprocate out of a fear that Brooke would kick her out if she didn’t. Even the slightest thought that Vanessa could think that made Brooke feel sick. So, she reminds herself that she can never risk putting pressure on her and forces herself to resist. 

 

She has to keep holding onto the thoughts of all the ways that Vanessa has made her life better, whenever she’s having a bad day. In the past couple of months that they’d lived together, Brooke had had her fair share of bad days, as she quickly began to realize that being a cop living with a sex worker brings with it a whole list of complications.

 

The first problem is that Brooke knows that the way Vanessa earns her money is illegal, and she’s definitely not supposed to be taking illegal earnings as rent, so she’s forced to turn a blind eye to Vanessa’s work. The unofficial story for if Vanessa ever gets picked up by the police is that she responded to Brooke’s advertisement for a roommate and that Brooke never asked what she did for a living. It wasn’t entirely plausible, but it was certainly better than Brooke saying “I tried to arrest this woman eight months ago but her charm and beauty wore me down and now not only am I in love with her, I am willing to risk my job so that she doesn’t have to go back to Tampa.”

 

The biggest problem, however, is that whenever Vanessa comes home from a night working, dressed in her revealing outfits and smelling like a combination of sex and bad aftershave, it makes Brooke’s skin crawl. 

 

Brooke has started smoking indoors more to mask the scent. It doesn’t work. 

 

She hates feeling jealous and bitter, when she could focus on all the ways in which Vanessa breathes life into the apartment every day, but she just can’t help herself. 

 

One night, she snaps. 

 

“You smell like cheap whiskey.” Brooke mutters from where she sits on the sofa as Vanessa stumbles through the door at 1am. 

 

“Well pardon me for not drinking the fancy stuff.” Vanessa laughs, then hiccups as she fumbles to take off her shoes. 

 

“Don’t leave those shoes in the middle of the room.”

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes and kicks them a few inches closer to the wall. “Better?”

 

“No. And you need to stop being so loud when you come in late at night.” Brooke doesn’t know why, but she’s trying to pick a fight.

 

“You were up anyways.” 

 

“Doesn’t mean I enjoy listening to your drunken stumbling.”

 

“What, so I aint allowed to drink now either?” Vanessa laughs brashly. 

 

Brooke exhales sharply in frustration. “That’s not the problem.” 

 

Suddenly, the smirk drops from Vanessa’s face and as quick as a flash, her eyes darken with anger. “Then what is the problem, bitch?” She yells. 

 

Brooke flinches away from the unexpected noise. She opens her mouth to speak but Vanessa carries on. 

 

“You think I don’t notice that every time get back from workin’, you wanna treat me like a piece of trash?” 

 

Brooke tries to protest, but doesn’t get the chance.

 

“Don’t you be denying it, cause you know it’s the truth. You’re down to kick it and kiki through the day, actin like we best fuckin friends, but when I get home at night you’re reminded that you invited some hood rat to live under your roof. I know you’re disgusted by me and what I do but let me remind you, mama, that you asked me to live here. You did that. You made your bed and now you gotta fuckin sleep in it.”

 

Brooke’s breath catches in her throat. 

 

Vanessa is unrelenting. 

 

She can’t handle people yelling because it makes her feel like she’s drowning. Like all the air has been sucked from the room and replaced with a tidal wave of fear.

 

So, she does what she does best and pushed her emotions down, forcing herself not to cry. 

 

“I don’t have a problem with what you do, Ness.” She stammers, feeling her entire body trembling as Vanessa’s piercing eyes watch her like a shark. 

 

“Then what is it, hmm?” She shouts back. 

 

Brookes hands are shivering, but Vanessa’s entire body is vibrating with emotion. She’s like a roaring fire, consuming all the energy in the room. 

 

Brooke knows she’s responsible for this. She was trying to pick a fight and she got one. Maybe she’s been doing it for longer than she realized. Chipping away at Vanessa. Pushing her to the brink of an eruption. 

 

She can’t bare to be in the room any longer, wallowing in the midst of what she’d brought on to herself, so she stands up and walks away quickly, not stopping to look back. 

 

“Just take a fucking shower. I can’t stand the smell of cheap whiskey.” 

 

-x- 

 

Later that evening, Brooke scrubs away at her skin in the shower so hard that it’s almost painful. She’s overcome with a terrible mixture of guilt and shame. 

 

_ “I know you’re disgusted by me.”  _ Vanessa had screamed at her. 

 

Brooke doesn’t know if she just said it in the heat of the moment, or if it was something she’d been feeling for a while, but either way in made her stomach churn. Had she really let her jealousy and bitterness go so far? Had she really, even for a minute, let Vanessa believe that to be true?

 

She’s disgusted by the idea of some dirty, sleazy man, roaming his hands over Vanessa’s body, breathing his hot, stale breath against her lips, but she would never be disgusted by Vanessa. Brooke has never, ever, judged her for the choices that she makes. She needs to tell her that so badly it hurts. She’s so angry with herself for bottling up her feelings and being unable to say what’s on her mind.

 

Brooke is so wrapped up in her thoughts that she doesn’t hear the bathroom door opening. It’s the cold draft of air rushing over her skin that makes her realize what’s happening. 

 

Through the frosted glass, she can see Vanessa entering the room in her robe. Brooke open’s her mouth to tell Vanessa that she’s in here, but she knows that she knows.

 

She drops the robe. 

 

Slowly, and silently, Vanessa pads across the room and slides open the glass door. 

 

“What are you doing?” Brooke whispers, keeping her eyes fixed on Vanessa’s. 

 

“You told me I gotta take a shower.” She whispers back, stepping into the cubicle and sliding the door shut behind her. 

 

Brooke can’t breathe. Their bodies are inches apart, but she forces herself to keep her eyes on Vanessa’s face. Due to their height difference, Vanessa has to crane her neck back slightly so that she can look up at Brooke through her thick, luscious eyelashes. She blinks slowly once, then again, then wordlessly takes Brooke’s hand that rests by her side. 

 

At the unfamiliar sensation, Brooke’s eyes snap downwards, and she’s suddenly able to take all of Vanessa in. 

 

Her body is glorious. It’s like she was sculpted by the gods themselves. Small beads of water track their way down her beautifully tanned skin. Her breasts, her stomach, her thighs. Mapping a route of where Brooke wants to kiss and lick and stroke. Without meaning to, she moves closer. 

 

She then feels Vanessa tugging at her hand gently, pulling it upwards. She moves where Vanessa guides her, allowing her to raise her hand to her face. When Brooke’s fingers make contact with the skin, Vanessa’s own hand falls away. Instinctively,  Brooke adjusts her hold, moving to cup the younger woman’s cheek. She softly brushes she pad of her thumb over Vanessa’s lips and her eyes flutter closed. 

 

_ Kiss her,  _ Brooke’s mind is screaming. 

 

But she can’t. Not yet. 

 

She can’t keep suppressing her emotions for much longer. It’s tearing her apart inside. 

 

If this is going to happen, it can’t be just some tension relieving fuck in the shower that never gets brought up again. It can’t just be a response to a fight. It can’t be the thing that destroys what they’ve got. 

 

For once in her life, Brooke needs to lay all her cards out on the table and just be fucking honest. 

 

“Look at me.” She says softly, hooking her forefinger under Vanessa’s chin and tilting her head upwards. Brooke has to clench her jaw to stop herself from trembling when Vanessa’s eyes connect with hers. 

 

She takes a long, deep breath, then another, then a third. 

 

Never breaking eye contact. 

 

Never dropping her finger from beneath Vanessa’s chin.

 

The tension is so thick that it threatens to swallow them both whole.

 

“I’m in love with you.”

 

Vanessa’s lips are on hers before she can take a breath. Her hands come to either side of Brooke’s face, pulling her closer, crushing their lips together in a passionate fury. Brooke moves the hand from beneath Vanessa’s chin to tangle her fingers in her hair and curls the other strongly around her waist. Their bodies are flush together, but it still isn’t close enough.

 

Usually, Brooke needs to be the one in control, but she yields to Vanessa, allowing her to dominate the kiss. There is none of the softness that should come with a first kiss. It’s fiery and uncoordinated, practically wild. Carnal. It’s the type of kiss that can only come from months and months of pent up desire. 

 

The taste of Vanessa’s mouth is something Brooke craves. It’s gorgeous. 

 

She’d rather suffocate than pull back to breathe. 

 

Brooke curls her fingers deeper into Vanessa’s hair, then drags the fingernails of her other hand softly over the skin of her back, eliciting a deep moan in response. Brooke then takes the opportunity, when Vanessa’s lips relent, to spin them round so that the smaller woman’s back is pressed up against the cold tiles of the shower wall. She squeaks out a soft noise of surprise at the impact.

 

One moment, Brooke registers that her neck is straining from stooping, then the next, she’s leaning down to cup the back of Vanessa’s thighs and lift her up so that their faces are level. Brooke didn’t even realize she has the strength to pull it off. In reality, she probably doesn’t. It’s like adrenaline alone is enabling her strength.

 

It feels like her body is on autopilot. She’s not in control anymore. 

 

Vanessa is quick to curl her legs around Brooke’s waist, hooking her ankles together behind her back, and her hands grip Brooke’s shoulders, as though she’s afraid she might fall.

 

They’re kissing so hard, so vigorously, that Brooke start to ache, so reluctantly, she pulls away from Vanessa’s mouth and instead connects her lips to her neck. But if she thinks that will be her chance to catch her breath, she’s wrong. Vanessa’s moans deepen as she trails her mouth across her neck.

 

Brooke is only spurred onward.

 

She sucks at the skin forcefully as Vanessa moans, then drags her teeth harshly over the same spot. Vanessa gasps in response. 

 

Brooke runs her teeth over the sensitive skin once more. “Fuck.” Vanessa hisses sharply. 

 

Overcome arousal at the sound of Vanessa cursing, Brooke takes the skin between her teeth and applies some pressure and Vanessa hisses again. As she goes to repeat the movement however, she feels Vanessa shake her head and squirm beneath her. “Brooke, stop. You’re hurting me.” She says quietly.

 

At the sound of her words, Brooke snaps out of her lustful haze. 

 

“Fuck.” She breathes out, then lowers Vanessa so that she can stand. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.” 

 

There’s a dark purple bruise forming on Vanessa’s neck where her lips had been. 

 

Tears begin to burn at the corners of her eyes. 

 

“It’s okay, baby.” Vanessa tells her softly. “I was liking it ‘till the teeth” she adds with a smirk, then leans up for another kiss, but Brooke flinches away. 

 

She shakes her head softly as Vanessa tries to kiss her again. “Brooke, its okay.” She whispers. Brooke can feel her trying to tilt her chin so that she will look her in the eye, but she can’t take her eyes off the bruise. 

 

She did that to her. 

 

Vanessa deserves to be treated like a goddess, to be caressed and loved, but instead she marked her skin with her unbridled desire. 

 

Brooke’s fingers move to delicately trace the skin below the bruise. “I’m so sorry.” She says, feeling her breathing quicken. She’s going to cry. 

 

Vanessa smiles up at her and and brushes her fingers over Brooke’s cheek. “Hey Mami, don’t go getting upset over no damn hickey.” She’s speaking in a tone so gentle and quiet that it makes Brooke’s heard ache. It’s the tone that’s reserved only for moments like these. 

 

Brooke doesn’t deserve her. 

 

“I hurt you.” 

 

She can feel her lip quivering. She doesn’t deserve Vanessa’s comfort right now, because it’s not just a hickey.

 

She’d heard Vanessa’s moans turn into hisses of pain, but she was too overcome with lust to register that she was hurting her. If she’d been focused on Vanessa, like she should have been, she could’ve realized sooner. How can she claim to love this woman if she can even fucking listen to her?

 

Brooke knows she’s spiraling, but she can’t stop. 

 

“I can’t do this.” She blurts out. 

 

Vanessa sighs a little, then nods her head warmly back at her and strokes her cheek again. “That’s okay, baby, we can just go to bed--” 

 

“No I mean I can’t do this.” She repeats, but gestures between the two of them this time. “I’m not right for you.”

 

She turns away before she can see the look on Vanessa’s face and pushes her hand away as she leaves the cubicle. 

 

Vanessa is warmth and energy and light. 

 

Brooke is darkness and pessimism and doubt. 

 

She finds a way to let her anxieties creep into even the best of places. She ruins things. She hurts people. 

 

It can never work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry :)


	6. Too determined and too reluctant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa is unwilling to let Brooke deny her feelings for much longer.

_ “I can’t do this. I’m not right for you.”  _

 

“Brooke, wait.” She hears Vanessa yelling, then feels a tug at the sleeve of her robe. She turns to face her and feels her breath catch in her throat. Vanessa is staring up at her with her jaw tightened and her breathing is ragged. She looks angry and hurt and confused all at the same time. 

 

Brooke takes a deep breath and looks up whilst blinking away her tears. Then, reluctantly, she pulls away from Vanessa’s grip. “I’m sorry. I really can’t do this.” 

 

She makes it no less than two steps away before Vanessa is gripping her arm again, tighter this time. “Don’t you dare walk away from me right now.” She yells harshly. “I mean it.” She adds in a much softer tone. 

 

Brooke turns back to face her once more, guided by Vanessa gently pulling on her arm so that they are face to face. Brooke has to shift her eyes upwards and away from Vanessa. She can’t bare to see the look on her face. Can’t bare to see her tears. 

 

“Vanessa, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let that happen. I shouldn’t have let any of this happen. You deserve so much better than me and I was a selfish asshole when I asked you to stay. I’m just going to do what I should’ve done months ago pay for you to fly back to Tampa-”

 

Vanessa shushes Brooke softly, as she rambles, stroking her fingertips soothingly down the side of her face. “Shush now, baby. Calm down.”

 

But Brooke can’t stop. “I can’t. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s too much.” She’s shaking her head almost violently as her breathing quickens into harsh pants. It’s like someone has sucked up all the air in the apartment. 

 

The edge of her vision is fuzzy and she can feel her heart pounding in her ears. 

 

“Look at me.” Vanessa whispers, cupping Brooke’s face in her hands and forcing her to look down. “Baby, I know you’re scared of this. You get all these feelings and shit and you try to bottle them up inside you like they don’t mean nothing. I’ve tried to give you time to get your head on straight but I’ll be honest with you, mama, this is fuckin with me too.”

 

Brooke shakes her head softly. “What do you mean?”

 

“We keep getting so close and I think it’s finally going to happen between us and then it just… doesn’t.” Vanessa looks away and starts chewing her lip. “I get it if you don’t want me. It’s fine. But you gotta tell me, baby.” 

 

Then she takes a deep breath and drops her voice into a low, sultry tone. “Otherwise, you’ve gotta get back down here and finish what you started.”

 

Brooke brings her hand up to cover Vanessa’s that rests on her cheek and squeezes her eyes tightly shut. 

 

“Brooke, it’s okay.”

 

Fuck it. 

 

Brooke opens her eyes and looks down at Vanessa gazing back up at her, then stoops to capture her lips in a kiss. Vanessa tilts her head back and moans softly when their lips meet and pulls Brooke closer. 

 

It’s softer this time. Not frantic or rushed. It’s gentle and leisurely. They have all the time in the world. 

 

Vanessa delicately tugs on Brooke’ lower lip with her teeth, deepening the kiss slightly. After a few moments Brooke pulls back to press their foreheads together. She wants to say something, but nothing feels right. Then she feels Vanessa’s hands on the belt of her robe, causing all the thoughts to fly from her head. 

 

Brooke covers Vanessa’s hands with her own, stopping her. “What are you doing?” She whispers. 

 

“I’m taking your robe off.”

 

Brooke swallows and shakes her head softly. “We should wait.” She’s so afraid of what just happened that she wants to make sure Vanessa knows they can take it slowly if she needs to. 

 

Vanessa smirks back at her. “Brooke, I’ve wanted this since the first night we met. We’ve waited long enough.” 

 

Brooke’s face breaks into a smile as she sighs softly, and before she knows it their lips are colliding once more. They alternate between kissing and giggling as they stumble into Brooke’s bedroom. The robes are abandoned somewhere in the hall. 

 

“Fuck off outa here.” Vanessa mumbles whilst Brooke nudges her backwards into the bed.

 

Brooke freezes and pulls back. “What?” She stammers. 

 

Vanessa laughs loudly. “No, no, not you baby. These damn kitties are behind me.” 

 

Brooke is unable to stop herself from laughing too. It’s so stupid. So perfect. Together, they attempt to wrangle the cats out of the door through fits of laughter. 

 

“Get outa here, Mary, I’m tryna get my ass laid.” Vanessa yells as she flaps her arms towards the cats. “Your mama is about to have the night of her life.” Brooke is practically crying with laughter as she watches. 

 

Eventually the cats scurry off down the corridor and as they do, Brooke pulls Vanessa into a tight embrace. When the laughter dies down Brooke drops her face into the crooke of Vanessa’s neck, nuzzling into the skin. 

 

“You bring so much light and joy into my life and I’m so sorry for making this more complicated than it needs to be. I really do love you.” 

 

She hears Vanessa’s breath hitch then feels her fingers tangling in her hair. Vanessa tugs Brooke away from her shoulder gently so that their gazes can meet. “You aint just saying that? Cause this has been a long night and emotions are running high, and I don’t want you to be saying that cause you think you gotta. And I don’t want you to regret it in the morning or something.” 

 

“I’m so fucking sure about this. I spend my life worrying and doubting myself, but falling in love with you is one thing I’ve never doubted. I adore you.” 

 

Vanessa chews on her lip and inhales deeply. “Brooke, I’m not so good with words so I can’t say all that shit like this is some kinda movie, but you came into my life and did all that stuff and everything is better now and it’s like Toronto is my home even though I used to hate it and I thought I was gonna be alone and-”

 

She’s rambling. “Ness.” Brooke says softly, cutting her off. 

 

Vanessa blushes and smirks up at her. “ I’m just trying to say that I love you too, baby.” 

 

Brooke pulls her into a delicate kiss… which doesn’t say soft for long. “Bed.” Vanessa practically growls between kisses. “Now.” Brooke is more than happy to comply. 

 

Usually, Brooke likes to be in control, but when Vanessa crawls on top of her to straddle her lap, she’s more than happy to yield and let Vanessa guide her. She trusts Vanessa so much that she allows her body to relax rather than letting it succumb to nerves. She rests one hand on Vanessa’s hip and drags the fingers of her other up Vanessa’s side, tickling her gently. 

 

Vanessa’s hands are less calm and somehow it feels like they’re everywhere at once. Tangled in her hair, cupping her face, clutching her shoulders, palming her breasts. When Vanessa’s thumb flicks over her nipple, Brooke lets out a moan and feels Vanessa grinning against her lips. Then, Vanessa drops her lips to Brooke’s jaw and starts trailing wet, open mouthed kisses downwards. 

 

“I can’t believe this is actually happening.” Brooke breathes out. 

 

“Less -- talking -- more -- enjoying -- baby.” Vanessa smirks, punctuated by kisses. 

 

Brooke chuckles softly. “Right, sorry.” She says with a blush, but after a moment her thoughts bubble up once again and she props herself up on her elbows. “But isn’t it just so much better than you ever could’ve--oh.”

 

Vanessa’s mouth around her nipple cuts her off mid sentence. She twirls her tongue slowly, then releases the nipple with a pop. “You thinking too much, baby. Just relax. Enjoy it. We can talk after.” Vanessa whispers as she peppers Brooke’s chest with kisses. 

 

Brooke nods quickly and settles back into the pillow, desperately trying to push away all thoughts other than how great Vanessa’s mouth feels on her skin. Eventually, when Vanessa’s kisses begin to trail down her stomach her mind goes blank and she draws in a sharp breath in anticipation. 

 

Gentle lips ghost over Brooke’s inner thigh, planting soft kisses into the skin, inching closer and closer to where she wants them to be. She feels Vanessa’s devilish smirk against her skin as she squirms beneath her, writhing in excitement for the pleasure she has not yet felt. “Vanessa.” Brooke groans, practically pleading her to stop teasing. 

 

With that, Vanessa swiftly adjusts so that her arms are hooked beneath Brooke’s thighs, and finally, her lips make contact. 

 

She drags her tongue up the length of Brooke’s centre, then gently sucks on the tight bundle of nerves at the top. Brooke wonders if it’s possible to blackout from pleasure. If it is, she’s pretty sure she’s going. 

 

Vanessa alternates between kissing, lapping and sucking at her with such precision that Brooke is sure, without a doubt, that this is the best sex she’s ever had in her life. Its gentle, yet firm. Too much, yet not enough. She tangles her fingers in Vanessa’s hair as she brings her closer and closer to the edge. Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut and her breathing comes in fast pants as Vanessa’s tongue thrusts against her. 

 

Maybe it’s because she’s wanted this for so long, or maybe it’s just because it’s been close to a year since she last had sex, but it only takes a few more minutes for Brooke to finish. As she does, she throws her head back so hard against she pillows that she’s surprised she doesn’t injure herself. Vanessa kisses gently at the skin of her inner thigh as her ragged breathing slows and she rides out her wave of post-orgasm bliss. 

 

As the haze clears, her mind is suddenly whirring at full speed as she goes over what has happened that night. Less than an hour ago, she was picking a fight with Vanessa out of some twisted bitterness. Of all the ways Brooke had thought this night would turn out, this was not one. God, she’d told Vanessa she loves her. Twice. And Vanessa had said it back. Brooke can feel all of her muscles clenching as she worries about what this means and where they go from here, but then she feels Vanessa nuzzling at her neck. 

 

Vanessa curls her arm around Brooke’s waist and tangles their legs together, pulling them closer, forcing Brooke’s anxieties to melt away. Brooke quickly brings her arms up and circles them protectively around Vanessa’s petite frame. 

 

Now that she has her, she’s never letting her go again. 

 

After a few minutes of cuddling, Brooke tilts Vanessa’s face up into a slow, soft kiss as she grazes her hand down Vanessa’s side, determined to reciprocate a hundred times over, but Vanessa catches her arm before she can move any further. 

 

“Its okay, baby, you can barely keep your eyes open.” Vanessa whispers, lacing their fingers together and nuzzling back into Brooke’s side. 

 

“I want to-”

 

“God, I do too. But you need to sleep.” Vanessa chuckles. “I’ll be here in the morning.” She tells her, then delicately kisses the skin beneath her earlobe. 

 

Brooke wants to protest, but Vanessa is right, she can barely keep her eyes open. Reluctantly, she lets out a deep sigh and pulls Vanessa tightly against her chest. “You promise?” Brooke asks through a stifled yawn.

 

“I promise, baby.” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little shorter than usual, but chapter seven should be uploaded tomorrow! 
> 
> This moment had been highly anticipated so I hope I've managed to live up to expectations. 
> 
> There are two chapters and an epilogue remaining.


	7. Too unfamiliar and too concealed.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke and Vanessa attempt to navigate the beginning of their unfamiliar relationship.

The brush of lips on Brooke’s inner thigh wakes her. Her eyes flutter open and she inhales sharply as she feels the brush of lips once more. She lifts herself onto her elbows, chewing her lower lip as she catches the sight of the lump beneath the sheet that is Vanessa’s kneeling body. She laughs gently as Vanessa’s fingers skim up her thigh, tickling the skin. Her laughter fades into moans however as Vanessa’s lips make contact.

 

Before too long, she’s panting heavily, coming down from her orgasm, as Vanessa crawls back up the length of her body, peppering her with kisses. 

 

“Morning.” Brooke mumbles sleepily, grinning like a fool, as she pulls Vanessa into her chest. After a few moments, she feels Vanessa kissing up her neck, then she nibbles softly on her earlobe and trails her hand down Brooke’s stomach. Brooke catches her wrist before she can move any lower. “I don’t think so, baby. It’s your turn now.”

 

Swiftly, Brooke flips them so that Vanessa is beneath her and drops her lips to her neck. 

 

-x-

 

“Jesus Brooke.” Vanessa breathes out as her chest heaves. Brooke is laid on her side next to Vanessa who is laying on her back, still panting and clutching at the sheets. She’d made the younger woman come three times before Vanessa had practically begged for a break. Brooke attempts to suppress a self satisfied smirk as she brushes the hair away from Vanessa’s forehead that is slick with sweat.

 

“So, you enjoyed it then?” Brooke teases close to her ear. 

 

“Bitch, you know I did.”

 

“Everyone within a two block radius knows you did.” Brooke smirks, earning her a playful swat on the arm. Then, Vanessa turns on her side away from Brooke and shuffles closer into her embrace, so that they’re spooning. 

 

As Brooke holds Vanessa, breathing in the scent of her hair and intertwining their fingers, she starts to worry. It almost seems inevitable. She frets about what’s going to happen next and where they go from here, running round and round in circles in her brain. 

 

“Be quiet.” Vanessa mumbles groggily. 

 

Brooke inhales sharply. “I didn’t say anything.” 

 

Vanessa breathes out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. “You’re thinking too loudly. Go back to sleep.” 

 

Brooke blushes and kisses the back of her neck. “Sorry baby.” Then, she glances at the clock on the bedside table and sees that it is almost 11am, way later than Brooke ever manages to sleep in. “You do realise we can’t say in bed all day.”

 

She feels Vanessa shrug in her arms. “Who says? As far as I’m concerned, we’re the only two people in the world.” 

 

-x-

 

They spend the rest of the morning, and well into the afternoon, drifting in and out of sleep and exchanging slow, leisurely kisses. Vanessa’s skin is addictive. Smooth and delicate. Brooke is determined to kiss every inch of it. Brooke is certain of one thing only - she never wants this to end. 

 

“Are you sure you aren’t hungry, baby?” Brooke whispers against Vanessa’s neck. 

 

Brooke is sitting upright against the headboard and Vanessa is nestled between her legs, leaning back against her chest. The blankets fall just below their waists and Brooke rests her head on the smaller woman’s shoulder, gazing down at where their fingers are linked over Vanessa’s abdomen. 

 

“I’m sure.” Vanessa smiles, tilting her head back to kiss Brooke gently. 

 

Brooke has been trying to convince her that they should get up and eat for a little while, but Vanessa is certain that all she wants to do is stay in bed. She’s waited a long time for this and she’s determined to make this morning last.

 

As Brooke idly plays with Vanessa’s fingers, a wave of guilt crashes over her. She thinks back to all the time that she spent wrapped up anxiety over what was happening between them, when she should’ve just faced her fears and let it happen so much sooner. Eight months she’s spent falling in love with Vanessa. Eight long months of torture when they could’ve been doing this. 

 

“Tell me what’s wrong, boo.”

 

Brooke sighs softly and smiles against the back of her neck. “How do you know anythings wrong?”

 

Vanessa shrugs in her arms. “Your arms got a little tighter and your breath was all quick and shit. Then your little fingers started twitching.” She teases, tickling Brooke’s palms. “I figured you were probably getting all up in your head about something.” 

 

Brooke squeezes her eyes tightly shut and buries her face in the crook of Vanessa’s neck. 

 

“You know, you don’t have to do that when you’re with me. I want you to tell me all the shit you’re worried about so that you don’t gotta worry about it alone-- wait are you crying?”

 

Brooke shakes her head. 

 

“My neck is damp as fuck. I feel those tears Mami.” Vanessa detangles herself from Brooke’s arms and turns round to straddle her lap, then cups her face in both hands. “Look at me.”

 

Vanessa’s hands are soft on her face, coaxing her gaze upwards. She doesn’t even know why she’s crying. She’s just so overwhelmed by emotions. She’s angry at herself for making everything so complicated. Guilty for not allowing this to happen sooner. 

 

And then there’s Vanessa. Adorable, loving, caring, fucking perfect Vanessa. Who’s completely unphased by her worries. Who has repeatedly confronted her anxieties and not allowed her to let them come between what’s happening with the two of them. She knew just from the subtlest changes that Brooke was spiralling in her thoughts. 

 

Brooke had truly believed that she would never find a relationship like this. 

 

“It just fucking sucks that we could’ve been doing this for eight months.” Brooke says, sniffling and laughing softly, curling her arms around Vanessa’s waist. 

 

Vanessa shakes her head and smiles. “We couldn’t.”

 

“Oh?”

 

She laughs and shakes her head again. “You think on that first night we met you were gonna bring me home and start playing house with some street hooker?” Brooke winces at Vanessa’s description of herself. “We needed the time to-- you know like, have all the time to--”

 

“To fall in love?”

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes and grins widely. “Damn Brooky, that was some Notebook shit right there.”

 

“Yeah it was kinda cheesy. Sorry.” Brooke blushes and smirks back. 

 

“I liked it.” Vanessa grins, tickling Brooke’s sides. Brooke throws her head back in giggles, wrestling Vanessa’s hands away from her. 

 

“Stop, stop, stop.” Brooke whines between laughter, squirming beneath Vanessa’s touch. Then suddenly, she realises that she’s much stronger than Vanessa, so she grips her hands onto her waist and flips her onto her back. 

 

Vanessa yelps in surprise as Brooke straddles one of her thighs and they both laugh throughout the struggle. Vanessa lunges to tickle Brooke’s sides, but before she manages, Brooke grasps her wrists and pins them above her head. She holds both of her wrists in one hand and props herself on her elbow to gaze down at the woman beneath her. 

 

Vanessa thrusts upwards in vain, attempting to free herself, but she isn’t strong enough. Her breathing is heavy, but she’s smiling so bright it makes Brooke’s heart race. Seconds tick by like hours as their breathing slows and they stare into each others eyes. 

 

There was no trace of laughter left on Vanessa’s face. “I fucking love you.” She growled. 

 

And then Vanessa’s lips were on hers. 

 

They kissed frantically winding their fingers in one others hair and grinding against each other. It’s frenzied and unrelenting. It’s everything. 

 

It feels like they don’t stop, don’t even pull back for breath, until it’s over and they’re crying out the others name as they writhe together in pleasure. 

 

Once it’s over they lay side by side, panting, with their pinky fingers linked between them. “Fuck.” Vanessa sighs. “That was…”

 

“Yeah.”

 

After a moment Vanessa turns on her side to face Brooke. “Baby, I know you get all in your head, but you gotta promise you’ll talk to me about these things from now on. We’re in this together now.” 

 

“I promise.” 

 

“Brooke?” Vanessa asks, chewing her lip. 

 

“Yes, baby?”

 

“I was wondering if you wanted to, and it’s fine if not, but like, I just wanted to check if--”

 

“Ness.” Brooke grinned. “You’re rambling?”

 

“Am I your girlfriend?” Vanessa blurts out.

 

Brooke feels her face flush red and she grins like a schoolgirl. God, she’s thirty four years old and is being asked to be someone’s girlfriend for the first time. Sure, they’ve only been sleeping together for half a day, but this has been in the works for so long, she doesn’t want to waste another minute. “If you want to be?” She stammers, her breath shaking as she tries to seem calm. 

 

“Yeah. I do. I really fucking do.”

 

Vanessa moves to snuggle into Brooke’s side, but Brooke shifts away. “No. Ness, its two thirty in the afternoon, we’re getting out of this god damn bed.”

 

“Not on my watch.” Vanessa smirks, clambering on top of Brooke and peppering her with kisses as she giggles. 

 

-x-

 

As it turns out, when Brooke puts her mind to it, she can let go of her worries. Whenever she gets overwhelmed she can focus on Vanessa and it seems as though the rest of the world slides out of view. It’s like nothing else matters. 

 

There are problems, gnawing away in the back of her mind, but then she’ll get home and see Vanessa cuddled up on the sofa with the cats, or roll over in bed to see Vanessa sleeping soundly beside her, and suddenly none of the problems seem to matter. 

 

One of the things gnawing at the back of Brooke’s mind is the fact that Vanessa hasn’t  _ worked  _ since they’ve been together. 

 

It’s something that Brooke just doesn’t know how to bring up. 

 

She knows that when Vanessa works it doesn’t mean anything to her. Her feelings and emotions are detached from what she does. But the idea of some nameless client’s hands on Vanessa’s body, touching all all the places that Brooke touches, kissing all the places she kisses. It’s just too much. 

 

Brooke doesn’t want to be the type of girlfriend that’s going to tell Vanessa what she can and can’t do, and she doesn’t want to force Vanessa into not working because that would leave her dependant on Brooke for money. It’a a shitty situation to be in. 

 

Luckily, however, Brooke comes up with a solution that she thinks might work. So, on their one month anniversary, Brooke tells Vanessa to dress up and be ready to get picked up at the end of Brooke’s shift so that they can head to a fancy restaurant downtown. 

 

When Brooke see’s Vanessa leaving their building, he breath catches in her throat. She’s wearing a tight, form fitting red dress which covers one shoulder and arm, but leaves the other exposed. Even from across the street Brooke can see the dazzling highlight bouncing off Vanessa’s exposed collarbones. She looks truly radiant. Briefly, Brooke wonders how it’s possible that Vanessa is real.

 

It takes her a moment to snap out of her haze, but when she does, she flashes the headlights briefly to get Vanessa’s attention. When Vanessa noticed Brooke, she crosses the road quickly and the sight of her slender tan legs in her red stiletto heels is almost enough to make Brooke call the whole thing off and drag her back up to their apartment. 

 

She self consciously smooths down her own emerald green dress that she had changed into in the bathrooms at work. The dress is uncomfortable as hell to drive in, as the long skirt pools around her feet, but it’s beyond worth it when Vanessa get into the car and drags her eyes slowly down her body. 

 

“Fuck.” Vanessa mutters as she gazes at the flesh of Brooke’s leg that’s exposed by the high slit in the side of the dress. “You look…” She trails off, gazing at her in awe. 

 

“So to you.” Brooke grins, then pulls Vanessa into a soft kiss, careful not to smudge either of their lipsticks. After a moment she pulls back and rests their foreheads together. “Ready?”

 

-x- 

 

“Brooke, how can you afford this place?” Vanessa hisses under her breath as they are shown to their booth. 

 

Honestly, on her current salary, she really can’t afford to bring them here, but seeing the look on Vanessa’s face when they pulled up at the restaurant made it all worth it. Brooke knows that Vanessa would be just as happy to eat takeout Chinese food in their pyjamas, cuddled up on the sofa with the cats, but she deserves to be treated like fucking royalty, so that’s exactly what Brooke intends to do. 

 

Once they’re seated, Brooke picks a bottle of red wine from the list, almost entirely at random since she can’t tell the difference, and reaches across the table for Vanessa’s hands. “I can’t get over how beautiful you look tonight.” Brooke smirks, rubbing her thumb over Vanessa’s knuckles. 

 

Vanessa blushes and looks down at the table. “You really didn’t have to bring me here.”

 

“I know.” Brooke shrugs. 

 

By the time the waitress returns to take their order, they haven’t even picked up their menus once. Instead they lean across the table, whispering sweet nothings in each others ears as Vanessa brushes her foot up Brooke’s calf beneath the table. 

 

The waitress seems unphased by their unashamed flirting and reads them a selection of the chef’s recommendations for the evening. When she’s finished Brooke glances over to Vanessa, allowing her to make the decision, but Vanessa’s brows are furrowed in confusion. “Girl, imma be real with you, I only understood like three of words you just said. Can you say em again in English, or?” 

 

Brooke lets out a sharp snort of laughter, then quickly clamps her hand over her mouth. Of course she could rely on Vanessa to elicit such a look of shock from their waitress. “Ness, this is a French restaurant.” She whispers. 

 

“Well shit, no wonder I can’t understand it then.” Vanessa laughs back loudly. “Just surprise us.” She shrugs, handing the menus back to the waitress. 

 

The waitress looks at Brooke briefly, as though to ask if Vanessa was serious, but Brooke simply shrugs then turns back to Vanessa with a grin as the waitress walks away. “I love you so goddamn much. Never change.”

 

-x-

 

It turns out that asking the waitress to surprise them was an excellent decision, as the food is divine. Their starters and mains are soup followed by duck confit, and they are so rich and filling that they ask for a break before deserts. Brooke thinks this is the perfect solution to tell Vanessa what she’s been waiting to tell her all night. 

 

“So um.” Brooke starts uncertainty, taking Vanessa’s hand. “There’s a reason I brought you here tonight.” Vanessa nodded for her to continue. “I know you don’t like it when I worry too much, but recently I’ve been thinking about our future and-”

 

Vanessa’s eyes flare wide in shock and she cuts her off. “Shit. Are you about to propose?”

 

Brooke laughs and shakes her head. “No, Ness, I’m not about to propose.” Christ, they’d only been together for a month. “But for the record, if I were about to propose and you did that, I would be so pissed.” She smirks, causing Vanessa to blush. 

 

“Sorry, carry on.”

 

“So, I um.” Brooke hesitated, trying to find the best way to phrase what she wants to say. “I’ve been thinking about the ways that you could spend your time now that you’re staying in Toronto, and I thought that maybe you could start taking classes at the local college? They have all kinds of art programmes that could be good for you, or anything you wanted really. And I make enough to take care of us both whilst you’re doing it, so you wouldn’t need to worry about that.”

 

Brooke trails off when she notices that Vanessa isn’t smiling. “You don’t have to, it was just an idea-” Brooke stammers, pulling her hand away from Vanessa’s, but Vanessa catches her wrist quickly, holding her in place. 

 

“No, I want to.” Vanessa says quickly, smiling back at Brooke as she links their fingers. “I want to.” She says again, but she doesn’t quite meet Brooke’s eye.

 

Brooke knows she’s lying. She’s a terrible liar. 

 

“Nessa.” Brooke says softly, with a gentle sigh. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong.” Vanessa snaps, then breathes deeply and smiles again. “Nothing’s wrong.” She says again, quietly this time. She’s repeating herself. Vanessa always repeats herself when she lies. She sighs before continuing. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired. You’re so thoughtful.”

 

Brooke narrows her eyes in confusion. Something is clearly wrong, but Vanessa wont tell her what it is. She’s about to reply when the waitress returns to ask what they’d like for desert. 

 

Vanessa shakes her head and squeezes Brooke’s hand lightly. “Can we just get the cheque, please?” 

 

-x-

 

The walk back to the car in silence feels like torture. Vanessa’s hand feels heavy in Brookes, almost as though she’s holding her with reluctance. 

 

Brooke feels terrible. 

 

She had genuinely thought that Vanessa would like the idea of going back to school. She’s so intelligent, Brooke knows without a doubt that she would do well. She’d said she enjoyed art at school. All Brooke wants is to make Vanessa happy, and surely she’d be happier doing that than being back out on the streets. 

 

As she drives, Brooke grips the wheel so firmly her knuckles turn white. This is the first time she’s allowed her thoughts so spiral since they got together and it feels awful.

 

What if the reason a Vanessa was so chilly to the idea was that she is worried about how serious their relationship is getting? What if she’s getting cold feet? What if she thinks Brooke is belittling or patronising her?

 

Oh God. 

 

Brooke had said to her “now that you’re staying in Toronto.” They’d never actually talked about it, she’d just assumed. 

 

Fuck. Vanessa doesn’t want to stay. It’s the only explanation.

 

She doesn’t even realise she’s crying until she feels Vanessa’s gentle touch on her thigh. “Pull over, baby.” 

 

Brooke manages to guide the car to a stop at the side of the road, but the moment she does, she starts to sob. Vanessa is by her side in an instant, shuffling closer so that they are practically sharing the same seat. She wraps her arms tightly around Brooke, pulling her close. “Don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” Vanessa whispers, but Brooke can’t stop.

 

Sobs shake her body, almost violently, as Vanessa strokes her back. “It’s okay. I’m so sorry.” She repeats over and over.

 

“Don’t go.” Brooke chokes out through her tears, clutching at the back of Vanessa’s dress. 

 

Vanessa pulls back slightly and cups Brooke’s cheek so that she meets her eye. “What?” 

 

“Please don’t go back to Tampa.” Brooke whispers, looking away, but Vanessa guides her face back again. 

 

“What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere baby.” 

 

Brooke shakes her head and chokes back fresh tears. “You said you don’t want to stay-”

 

“I never said that.” Vanessa snaps back defensively. 

 

“You don’t want to go to college.”

 

“I never said that either.”

 

“No, but you wanted to.”

 

Vanessa sighs and adjusts her hold on Brooke, moving back to her own seat and giving them space to talk. Brooke mourns the loss of her comfort in an instant. “Brooke.” Vanessa starts hesitantly. “I know that you want me to be the type of person that has her shit together and takes college classes and all that shit. And it fucking sucks because you deserve a girlfriend you can be proud of, but that’s just not me.”

 

Brooke shakes her head in disbelief. “Ness, do you think I’m not proud of you?” Vanessa says nothing. “Do you think that I don’t wake up every fucking day and think about how lucky I am to have met you?”

 

Vanessa blinks away her tears and shakes her head as she looks away. “Then why do you want me to go back to school? It’s because you don’t want to have to introduce me as your high school dropout, failure of a girlfriend.” She’s yelling now and Brooke’s jaw is gritted in anger. 

 

“What I want is for you to be happy. Is that so hard to believe? That I would want the only fucking woman that I have ever loved to be happy. That I would want for you to be safe and free from what you did before.” Brooke is yelling too. She’s breathing heavily and she can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks. God, she can’t believe they’re actually arguing about this. How can this have happened?

 

“Then why didn’t you just ask me what would make me happy?” Vanessa asks in a much softer tone. “Baby, I love you. You’re so thoughtful and I know you were only trying to do what you thought I wanted, but I don’t wanna be fucking around taking art classes and all that shit while you’re working for both of us.”

 

Vanessa cups Brooke’s cheek and swipes away the tears with the pad of her thumb. “I want to be able to work so that I can take you out to fancy places and not just feel like I’m leeching off you. I’m never gonna go back to the work I did before, but there are other jobs. I’ve been trying to find something.”

 

Brooke’s breathing slowly returns to normal as she realises what Vanessa is saying. She’s not leaving. That’s all that matters. 

 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

 

Vanessa shrugs sheepishly. “You’re not the only one that can bottle up her feelings.”

 

“Oh god, come here.” Brooke sighs, pulling Vanessa across into her lap.

 

Their lips are crushed together in an instant as Vanessa straddles the seat. Brooke doesn’t even care that they could get a ticket for public indecency for making out in the front of her car, she just needs to be close to Vanessa. They stay like that for the longest time, flicking between kissing and muttering apologies against one another's lips. Their makeup is smudged down their faces, and both of their dresses are crumpled, but Brooke doesn’t care at all. 

 

Brooke is frustrated that the whole argument could’ve been avoided if they’d just talked to one another instead of jumping to conclusions, but that, she supposes, is all part of the learning curve. 

 

Their relationship is far from conventional. There’s no guidebook telling them how they’re supposed to navigate the issues that face them. 

 

It’s just something they have to work out together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Only two chapters left to go!
> 
> I am away on vacation for my birthday this weekend, so there won't be an update until Monday, which is why this update is so close to the last, but I do hope you look forwards to next week!


	8. Too old and too comfortable.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brooke worries that her and Vanessa are settling and becoming boring before their time, so she gives her a very spontaneous surprise.

Brooke sips her whiskey sour nervously as she settles into the luxurious leather arm chair beneath her. Even after all the times that she’s been here, she still feels self conscious. Small groups of people, mostly men, sit dotted around the room, but Brooke sits alone, wiping her sweaty palm over the material of her tight black jeans. 

 

The lights dim and the music swells. Some of the men can be heard cheering, but most are silent with anticipation. 

 

Then, the women walk out onto the stage. 

 

_ Exotic dancers. _

 

Brooke’s eyes flare wide and her breath hitches in her throat as the dancer she’s here to see catches her eye, then moves across the stage to dance in front of her. To dance  _ for  _ her. A tingle of excitement runs down her spine. 

 

The woman is gorgeous, truly magnificent, and she knows it. 

 

Her hands roam over her petite body as she maintains eye contact with Brooke, then she grins widely and runs her tongue seductively across her teeth. She’s toying with the hem of her shirt in a cruel, slow, tease. After a few minutes of dancing, she pulls the shirt off over her head and tosses it behind her, then somehow, in her killer heels, she manages to hop down off the stage to dance immediately in front of where Brooke sits.

 

She runs her hands through her long, curly brown hair and flutters her eyelashes, feigning a look of innocence that has Brooke practically clawing at the armrest of her chair. Brooke takes a long slip of her drink, never breaking eye contact. 

 

When the dancer loses her skirt, leaving her in skimpy panties, a bra and suspenders holding up silky black stockings, Brooke is unable to keep the smirk from her face. She’s perfect. Her body, the way she moves, her fucking eyes, it’s all so captivating. The dancer moves closer to her and Brooke takes out a one hundred dollar bill from her pocket. A small price to pay for such a treat. Once she is inches away from Brooke’s chair, Brooke leans out and delicately tucks the note into the woman’s waistband, rubbing her thumb over the soft, smooth skin as she does.

 

Then, unexpectedly, the dancer nudges Brooke back into her chair and moves to straddle her, with her knees on the seat cushion on either side of her thighs. Brooke gasps softly. The girl takes Brooke’s drink from her hand and sets it on the small table beside her, then resumes her slow, seductive, dancing, now in Brooke’s lap.

 

“I bet you do this for all the girls.” Brooke teases, her breath coming out low and raspy. 

 

The dancer smiles coyly and shakes her head. “Just the cute ones.” 

 

“Does that mean I get to take you home tonight?” She asks leaning upwards, resisting the urge to touch her. 

 

“Oh, I don’t know, ma’am.” The girl drawls, sending shivers down Brooke’s spine. She leans in so close that Brooke can feel her warm breath on her neck. “I don’t think my girlfriend would appreciate somebody taking what belongs to her.”

 

Brooke’s eyes flutter shut. “God, Ness.” She moans, caving to temptation and bringing her hands to rest delicately on her thighs. 

 

“Hi, baby.” Vanessa whispers, pulling back from the crook of her neck and flashing her a wide grin. “I didn’t know you were coming in tonight.”

 

“It’s been a slow night so they let me get off early.”

 

Brooke grazes her nails softly up the side of Vanessa’s thighs, knowing that it’s driving her wild. She’s careful to keep it light and subtle, as, if some of the bars other clients see Brooke’s hands on one of the dancers, they might get the wrong idea and start getting handsy themselves. But it’s so unbelievably hard for Brooke to have her half naked girlfriend girating in her lap and be unable to do anything about it. 

 

“What time do you finish?” Brooke asks quietly. 

 

Vanessa grins widely. “We can get out of here now if-“ 

 

She hasn’t even finished her sentence before Brooke is nodding quickly, smirking from ear to ear. 

 

Vanessa gets down from Brooke’s lap, holds out her hand for Brooke to stand with her, leads her through the crowded bar then subtly through the doorway into the back. 

 

As they navigate the corridors, Vanessa exchanges greetings with everyone they pass, making Brooke practically beam with pride. Vanessa is brimming with energy and able to make all of her friends laugh, even after hours of dancing. Seeing Vanessa with her newfound friends makes Brooke especially happy since it’s one of the many ways she’s been able to settle into life in Toronto. Brooke knows Vanessa is feeling more and more like she belongs every day. 

 

Most of the girls know Brooke’s name too and say hello to her, which is a vast improvement from when Vanessa had started working at the bar and the girls were too weary of having a cop in the building to even give her the time of day. She’s glad that she’s managed to gain their trust over time. 

 

“You gonna go see Nina while I change real quick?” Vanessa asks when they reach the dressing room door. 

 

Brooke leans down to peck Vanessa’s cheek. “Sure thing baby.”

 

-x-

 

“They really like her, you know.” Nina smiles warmly from where she sits behind her desk.

 

Brooke chuckles. “Of course they do, she’s smoking hot.”

 

“Um, I meant the other girls, not the customers.” Nina smirks, raising her eyebrow.

 

Brooke’s face flushes red with embarrassment and she awkwardly clears her throat while Nina laughs. “Right, yes, of course.”

 

Brooke has known Nina since they were young girls taking dance classes together at the local community centre. Obviously, Brooke gave up on her childhood dreams of being a ballerina, but Nina took her dance skills and pursued an alternate career path. She’s now the owner of one of the most successful strip clubs in Toronto, so, when Vanessa had been struggling to find a job with her limited skill set, Brooke was glad that she’d kept in touch with her old friend. 

 

Nina gave Vanessa a trial position as a dancer at the bar just over ten months ago and she has been here ever since. 

 

The best thing about the job is that Vanessa is able to do something that she does incredibly well. She’s incredibly sexy and knows how to use that to her advantage. After a few lessons in dancing, she’s now able to take home a very admirable income.

 

Plus, Brooke can rest in the assurance that she’s safe. All of the girls look out for each other and Nina watches over them all. None of the customers are allowed to touch Vanessa, or any of the other dancers. She’s never alone with them. And she isn’t doing anything illegal, so the police can be called in an emergency. She’s safe. Knowing that is doing wonders for Brooke’s anxiety. 

 

“Honestly though Brooke, she just lights up a room. And she’s making the bar a fuckload of money, so thank you for sending her my way.” 

 

Brooke blushes and grins back at Nina. “She’s pretty special.”

 

“I’m really happy for you.” Nina says so sincerely that it makes Brooke’s heart ache. “You deserve this.” 

 

Brooke is about to respond when she hears a loud knock at the door behind her. “I know you bitches are talkin bout me so I’m just gonna wait here till you’re done.” Vanessa yells brashly. Brooke chuckles and shakes her head affectionately. That’s her girl. 

 

“Don’t let me keep you.” Nina tells her with a knowing smile. 

 

Brooke thanks her quickly, promises that they can catch up properly soon, then leaves the office. She’s unable to keep the grin from her face when she sees Vanessa in the corridor. Her brown wig and heavy makeup are gone and she is wearing black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt that reaches her mid thigh. She’s also swapped her stiletto heels for flat pumps, but since Brooke is wearing heels of her own, she seems much smaller. 

 

“Come on.” Brooke grins, taking Vanessa by the hand and practically dragging her to where her car is parked in the alley behind the bar. When they reach the car, Brooke glances both ways to make sure that there is nobody around, then quickly opens the door and pulls Vanessa into the backseat.

 

“What are we-“ Vanessa is cut off by Brooke’s lips on hers. She’s quick to respond and she clambers into Brooke’s lap, kissing her back with equal ferocity. Brooke’s hands roam over Vanessa’s body, making up for the time spent inside being unable to touch her. 

 

As they kiss, Brooke snakes her hands underneath Vanessa’s baggy jumper, curling one arm firmly round her waist and bringing the other up to cup her breast over her bra. Brooke moans as she realises Vanessa has changed out of her underwear from before and is now wearing her soft, white cotton bra. She can tell by the little bow in the centre, she could recognise this bra anywhere. It’s her favourite of Vanessa’s, after all. 

 

Sure, lacy lingerie and stockings make Vanessa look like a goddess, but to Brooke, there’s nothing more sexy than simple white cotton. In her eyes, Vanessa doesn’t need anything, no lace, no frills, to enhance her natural beauty.

 

“You danced so good tonight, baby girl.” Brooke sighs against Vanessa’s lips between kisses, then drops her hand from around Vanessa’s waist down to cup her ass. Meanwhile, her hand on Vanessa’s breast nudges the material of her bra down so that she can toy with her nipple. 

 

“Brooke.” Vanessa whimpers. “Please.” She grinds down in her lap for emphasis. “ _ Quiero que me cojas _ .”

 

Brooke never considered herself to have any kinks, until a few months ago when Vanessa begged her to be fucked in Spanish, and since then she can’t get enough of it. It’s drives her wild and the little minx knows it. “Fuck.” She breathes out. She moves her hand from Vanessa’s ass to her hip, where she dips her finger into the waistband of her leggings.  

 

“ _ Por favor, Mami.”  _ Vanessa drops her hands to the hem of her sweater and pulls it over her head in one swift motion, then drops it, letting it fall into the footwell behind her.  

 

Brooke can never keep the game of teasing going for very long, she’s just about to give in, but then a bright set of headlights illuminate Vanessa’s face from behind the car. 

 

“Fuck.” Vanessa mutters as she scrambles to get down from Brooke’s lap. Brooke hears a thump on the roof as Vanessa hits her head, causing her to curse loudly. “Fucking damnit, Mary!”

 

Brooke laughs as she attempts to pull Vanessa into her arms and sink down against the seat so that whoever is behind them can’t see them. Brooke is still a cop, after all, and being arrested for public indecency because they can’t keep it in their pants until they get home would be less than ideal. “Shush.” She giggles, reaching for Vanessa’s discarded sweater as the smaller woman continues to grumble and rub her head. 

 

She feels like a high school kid getting caught making out in the backseat. It’s so exciting and naughty, she can’t help but laugh as she wraps her arms around Vanessa whilst they slump low and out of view. 

 

After a couple of minutes of waiting and sneaking a few more soft kisses between giggles, Brooke decides that the danger of getting caught has passed. As though on queue, she hears Vanessa yawning quietly against her neck. “Time to go home?” Brooke smirks, then drops a kiss onto Vanessa’s forehead when she nods.  

 

Brooke leaves the backseat to get into the front, but Vanessa simply clambers over the centre console. She feels a gentle pang in her chest as she remembers the first time Vanessa was in her car, over a year and a half ago, when she’d climbed into the front seat in the same way. 

 

Some things never change. 

 

When she gets back into the car, she leans over and pecks Vanessa’s temple. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Vanessa beams back at her. 

 

-x-

 

“Ness, we’re home.” Brooke tells her, shaking her softly to rouse her from her sleep. She dozed off against the window almost as soon as Brooke started driving. 

 

Despite the fact that Vanessa loves her job, one of the problems is that dancing for hours and finishing late leaves her exhausted. Brooke tries to sign up for night shifts whenever she can, so that they can spend more time together during the day, but it still sucks.  

 

“Come on, baby, let’s get you to bed.” 

 

Vanessa yawns and stretches before nodding and unclipping her seatbelt.  

 

Once in the apartment, they quickly set about their respective nighttime routines. Brooke clears up any mess that they’ve made whilst Vanessa puts out fresh food and water for the cats, scratching them both on the head as she does. They then shut the blinds, turn off the various outlets and lock the front door. 

 

This is all done in relative silence as both are exhausted, but when they’re in the bathroom brushing their teeth, they stand side by side and making goofy faces at each other in the mirror. 

 

“I think I prefer the duck egg blue to the sky blue.” Vanessa mumbles through a mouthful of toothpaste, reaching for the paint colour chart on the countertop. They’d decided to redecorate the bathroom a few weeks ago but had yet to decide on a colour of paint for the walls. 

 

“Good choice, baby.” Honestly, Brooke can barely tell the difference between the two colours, but it’s important to Vanessa, so it’s important to her.  

 

When she finishes brushing her teeth, Brooke moves to stand behind Vanessa and curls her arms around her waist. She then drops her face into the crook of her neck and kisses her softly. Brooke sighs deeply in content as she looks at them in the mirror, wrapped up in each other’s arms. “I love you.” She whispers and kisses Vanessa beneath her ear.

 

Vanessa covers Brooke’s hands with her own and leans back into her embrace, allowing her eyes to drift shut. Vanessa then tries, and fails, to stifle a yawn. “I think it’s time for us to go to bed.” Brooke chuckles. 

 

They aren’t in bed for more than a few moment before Vanessa’s lips are on Brooke’s. Brooke grins into her mouth, drinking in the fresh, minty taste. She flips them quickly, so that Vanessa is pinned beneath her, and deepens the kiss. Usually, there’d be some sort of build up, but the combination of making out in the car and seeing Vanessa dancing has made Brooke insatiable. 

 

After a few minutes of kissing however, Vanessa’s movements begin to slow and she starts to kiss with a little less enthusiasm. Brooke pulls back to look at her face and sees that her eyes are closed. “What’s the matter, baby?”

 

Vanessa shakes her head softly. “Nothing. Keep going.” She smiles, raising slightly for another kiss. 

 

But after only a couple more seconds, her kisses begin to slow once more. 

 

Brooke pulls away again, only to chuckle when she realises that Vanessa is falling asleep. “You can barely keep your eyes open.” Brooke smirks, moving to lay on her side next to Vanessa, who whimpers quietly at the loss. 

 

“I’m fine.” She mumbles drowsily. 

 

Brooke lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sigh, then pulls Vanessa closer to her. Vanessa allows herself to be moved, nestling into the crook of Brooke’s neck, draping an arm over her waist and tangling their legs together. 

 

She’s asleep within minutes. 

 

Brooke really should go to sleep too, or she should lay here and enjoy the feeling of Vanessa cuddled against her, but unfortunately, she can’t help but let her anxiety take over. 

 

Logically, she knows that Vanessa is exhausted and she didn’t fall asleep on purpose, but it doesn’t stop her from feeling self conscious. 

 

She’s not worried about the attraction aspect. They’ve been together for almost a year and can still barely keep their hands of one another. Everything is perfect in that regard. What Brooke worries about is the thought that Vanessa might be getting bored of everything else. 

 

She’s only just turned twenty six a couple of months ago and is tied into an incredibly domestic relationship. Brooke adores it, but what if Vanessa doesn’t? What if she worries that she’s wasting her twenties decorating the bathroom and buying brita filters when she could still be young and free? 

 

It’s bullshit, Brooke knows it. She knows that Vanessa loves their life just as much as she does. But it doesn’t stop her from spiralling. 

 

It doesn’t stop her from reaching to the bedside table for her phone, with the intention of proving to Vanessa that they aren’t old and boring. There’s still time for them to be young and carefree. 

 

-x-

 

“Ness. Wake up.” Brooke whispers, her face on the pillow, inches away from Vanessa’s. 

 

The morning sun streams in through the gap in the curtains, casting a golden light over Vanessa’s sleeping face. Brooke has barely slept all night, keeping herself awake with all the excitement of a child on Christmas morning, so the moment she saw Vanessa first begin to stir, she couldn’t resist waking her. 

 

“Fuck off.” Vanessa grumbles, burying her face further into the pillow. 

 

Brooke giggles and tickles Vanessa’s side, then trails soft kisses over her bare shoulder and collar. “I have something exciting to tell you.” 

 

“They making a sequel to The Notebook?” She aks, squinting one eye open. 

 

“That’s what you think is exciting? You’re such a loser. I love you.”

 

“Shut up.” Vanessa groans, stretching out her limbs, then she snuggles into Brooke’s side.

 

Brooke shakes her shoulder gently then tickles behind her ear. “Don’t go back to sleep. I meant it, I have something exciting to tell you.” 

 

“This better be damn good, Mami, or I will whoop your ass for waking me up.” She murmurs into Brooke’s neck. 

 

“We’re going to Aruba.”

 

Vanessa moves back just enough to raise her eyebrow skeptically at Brooke. “Right now?”

 

Brooke laughs and swats her arm playfully. “No not right now… next week.”

 

“Wait, bitch are you serious?” 

 

“Completely serious.”

 

Vanessa sits up, now looking a lot more awake. “Like serious, serious? For real? We’re actually going to Aruba next week?” 

 

Brooke nods and grins back at her, relishing in the sudden look of pure joy on her face. Vanessa beams, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why?”

 

“Think of it as an early anniversary present.”

 

“When did you-”

 

“I booked it last night. I wanted to surprise you but I couldn’t wait.” 

 

“Damn, Brooky, couldn’t keep that shit a secret for even two minutes, could you?” Vanessa laughs loudly, tickling Brooke’s side. She nudges Brooke back into the mattress, peppering her with kisses, but then she pulls back again. “Wait, what about work?”

 

“The Sergeant owes me a favour for all the night shifts I’ve been covering, and I’ve already text Nina for you. It’s all taken care of. We’re going on vacation baby.”

 

-x-

 

“You’d better get that damn camera out of my face I swear to god.” Brooke grumbles as she checks her seatbelt for the fifteenth time. The air hostess has just finished the safety announcements, which were essentially just a list of all the ways that they could die on this flight, so Brooke’s anxiety is wreaking havoc on her mind. 

 

Brooke hates flying, she always has. She doesn’t see the appeal of being crammed inside a metal tube that’s hurling at five hundred miles per hour through the sky. Vanessa, on the other hand, has been a bundle of excitement since they left the apartment four hours previously. Usually, she loves Vanessa’s energy and enthusiasm for life, but right now, all Brooke can focus on is the location of the closest emergency exit. 

 

Plus, it’s six thirty in the morning. 

 

“One more.” She pleads, flashing Brooke her best puppy dog eyes. 

 

“One.” Brooke pouts, burying her face in the Vanessa’s shoulder when she tries to take the selfie. 

 

“Brooke, you can’t even see your face in this picture, I gotta take it again.” 

 

“Damn it Ness! This has got to be the hundredth photo you’ve taken this morning. Can’t we have one undocumented moment of this fucking trip?”  

 

Vanessa’s smile falters momentarily and Brooke cringes as she regrets her harsh tone, then Vanessa lets out a short sigh as she smiles with her face full of understanding. “You take your xanax before we left?” She asks quietly, taking Brooke’s hand and rubbing her thumb over the knuckles. 

 

Brooke lets out a deep breath and rubs her free hand over her face. “I did, but I don’t think it’s kicked in yet. Sorry for being an asshole.” 

 

Vanessa shrugs and curls into Brooke’s side. “Its okay, I’ll try and tone it down until after the flight.” 

 

Brooke shakes her head quickly. “No, you’re excited, you shouldn’t have to tone that down. I’m excited too, just feeling a little blehhgh.” She makes a noise like the verbalisation of a shrug combined with a grimace, but luckily Vanessa is fluent in Brooke. 

 

“I know, baby.” She smirks, lacing their fingers together. 

 

Brooke takes a few deep breaths to try and regain her focus, then turns to Vanessa with a smile. “How about we try taking that last photo again?”

 

-x-

 

The first thing Brooke does when they reach the room is take a shower to get rid of the grimy feeling that travelling always seems to give her, so that she can start to relax. But when she exits the bathroom, she sees that the entire contents of Vanessa’s case is strewn across the bedroom. Vanessa has a very different idea of relaxation. 

 

Brooke crosses the room, traversing the various items of clothing on the floor. “Jesus Ness, how many swimsuits did you bring?” From the looks of it, Vanessa will be wearing nothing but swimsuits all week, not that Brooke would mind that. 

 

She sees Vanessa on the balcony. The mid afternoon sun bounces off her hair and illuminates her skin, and the sheer kaftan that she’s wearing is just translucent enough to show an outline of her bikini underneath. Brooke’s breath hitches in her throat as she walks to Vanessa and wraps an arm around her waist from behind, holding up her towel with the other. 

 

She’s incredibly glad that she paid more for a room with a sea view. It couldn’t be more perfect. 

 

Vanessa turns in Brooke’s embrace, so that they’re facing one another, then unashamedly drags her eyes down the length of Brooke’s body. “Hi.” She whispers, dropping one hand to Brooke’s waist and bringing up the other to trace patterns on her exposed collarbones. 

 

“Hi.” Brooke says softly back. 

 

“You feelin better?” 

 

Brooke nods and sighs deeply as she tucks a stray strand of hair behind Vanessa’s ear. “So much better.” 

 

At that, Vanessa smirks devilishly. “This balcony is might private. I don’t think nobody is seeing what’s going on up here.”

 

“It sure is.” Brooke grins, running her tongue slowly over her teeth.

 

“So if I do… this” She swipes at Brooke’s towel, pulling it from her body and letting it drop to the floor. “Nobody can see.”

 

“Nobody but you, baby.” Brooke whispers, leaning down to kiss her. 

 

Their kiss heats up quickly and Vanessa begins shedding her clothes as they step backwards towards the conveniently located double sunbed behind them. They tumble onto it together in a passionate frenzy of lips on lips, lips on skin, skin on skin.

 

Maybe it’s something about the sea air, or the excitement of being on vacation, but they went from zero to one hundred in an instant.

 

It’s tantalizing. 

 

-x-

 

“Fuck.” Vanessa breathes out as she lays on her back, looking up at the sky. 

 

Brooke kisses back up the length of her body and settles down beside her. “That good?” She teases and tickles Vanessa’s side as she tries to catch her breath. 

 

She nods between pants, grinning widely. 

 

They lay together, basking in the sunlight for what seems like an eternity, until Brooke eventually decides that they ought to make the most out of their vacation. “How about we get dressed up and hit the clubs later?”

 

Vanessa looks at her sceptically. “The clubs? You hate clubbing.”

 

“No I don’t!” Brooke says, probably too defensively. “Please, baby. I want to.” 

 

Vanessa shakes her head and chuckles, then shrugs. “I guess so.” 

 

Brooke doesn’t  _ hate  _ clubbing, she just isn’t a fan of excessive drinking and sweaty, over crowded dance floors. She’s certain she can enjoy it for one night, since she’s so desperate to prove to Vanessa that she can be young and fun still. She knows that she doesn’t need to and that it’s just a needless goal she’s set herself based on anxiety fuelled over thinking, but it doesn’t stop her from being determined. 

 

She quickly realises whilst they’re out that she’s made a mistake. Sure, she’s enjoying the mixture of tropical cocktails and Vanessa is making her laugh so hard she keeps snorting, but she’s also exhausted. Her feet are sore in her heels, the edges of the room are faintly spinning and the beat from the music is ringing in her ears. She’d much rather be hanging out in a quiet bar with Vanessa rather than this club. 

 

God, if Vanessa knows that, she will think Brooke is such a loser. 

 

So Brooke forces herself to keep going. To keep dancing. Keep drinking. 

 

Shots. Followed by more cocktails. Then shots again.

 

“Did you know tequila is the the only alcohol that isn’t a depressant.” She slurs into Vanessa’s ear after they finish another shot each. 

 

Vanessa laughs loudly back, resting her hand on Brooke’s chest. “Hoe, you told me that like six times now.” She yells over the music.

 

“Oh.” Brooke pouts, then sees Vanessa grinning so bursts out laughing too. She isn’t even sure what they’re laughing at, they’re just giggling uncontrollably, holding onto each other like they’re the only two people in the world. 

 

Brooke buries her nose in Vanessa’s hair, inhaling the scent of their fruity shampoo. “You smell pretty.” She hears herself slurring, but she doesn’t register saying the actual words. Weird. 

 

“You drunk as fuck, Mami.” 

 

Brooke shakes her head. Or at least, she thinks she’s shaking her head. The room is spinning so much it’s hard to tell. “No you’re drunk.” She retorts, like a petulant child, causing Vanessa to erupt into brash, gravelly laughter once more. 

 

“I can’t argue with that.” She yells over the music. 

 

“We should… get more alcohol?” Brooke suggests with a grin. “And more tequila. Did you know tequ-”

 

“Don’t you start that shit again.” Vanessa cuts her off before she has the chance to finish her fact. Brooke sticks out her lower lip in frustration. “One more shot.” Vanessa grins, tickling her side. 

 

One more shot turns into two. Then three. 

 

Brooke hasn’t been this drunk in years. It’s so liberating. Nothing else in the world matters. Nothing in Aruba matters. Nothing in the club matters. Just the feeling of Vanessa’s body pressed up against hers as they sway messily in time with the music. 

 

Vanessa is her whole world. 

 

“I love you. You’re my favourite person.” Brooke yells over the noise, leaning in close to Vanessa’s ear. 

 

Then gradually, the sounds and lights around her fade to nothing. 

 

-x-

 

When Brooke wakes up, the first thing that hits her is her blinding headache. She tries to move her hand up to press against her forehead but the motion makes her stomach churn. It’s too bright to open her eyes. Her mouth is as dry as sandpaper. 

 

She may genuinely be dying. 

 

“Morning sunshine.” She hears Vanessa’s booming voice somewhere in the room. Brooke groans in response. 

 

She stretches out her legs, only to realise she is wearing shoes, so she forces herself to finally open her eyes. Vaguely, she recognises their hotel room, then looks down and sees she’s still wearing her dress from the night before. She groans once more and rolls over to bury her face in the pillow. “I’m dying.”

 

She hears Vanessa laugh as she walks across the room, followed by the sound of something being set down on the nightstand. “You aint dying, Mami, you hungover.” 

 

“I’ve been hungover before, this is not a hangover. It’s death.” 

 

Vanessa laughs again and Brooke feels the bed dip beside her, then Vanessa’s hand softly petting her hair. “You gotta drink this water.” 

 

Brooke takes a few deep breaths so that she can be sure she won’t throw up, then turns round to face Vanessa. She’s wearing a matching pyjama shirt and shorts set, and looks as fresh a daisy. Brooke grimaces as she realises how awful she must look. Gratefully, she takes the water from Vanessa and takes three long gulps. 

 

When she’s finished, Brooke sets the water back on the table, wipes her mouth ungracefully with the back of her hand, and flops back down onto the bed. “What happened last night?” She groans, dreading the answer. 

 

She looks up and Vanessa chuckles. “You just had too much to drink, baby, that’s all.” She moves a little closer and presses the back of her hand against Brooke’s forehead. “You feeling okay?”

 

Brooke can only grimace and shake her head in response. 

 

“You might feel better after a shower.”

 

The idea of moving from the bed sounds like the worst thing ever, but she also feels disgustingly sweaty and sticky and desperately needs a wash, so reluctantly, she agrees. Once in the bathroom, she winces at her disheveled state in the mirror and Vanessa laughs loudly as she comes to unzip her dress. 

 

“Why am I still wearing this thing?” She grumbles as she toes off her shoes and lets Vanessa nudge her straps off her shoulders. 

 

Vanessa looks up at her through the mirror and quirks her eyebrow with a grin. “You don’t remember?”

 

Brooke shakes her head and tugs her bottom lip between her teeth to chew on it nervously. 

 

“Bitch you were slapping my hands away all crazy like, telling me you got a girlfriend so I wasn’t allowed to undress you.” 

 

Brooke’s cheeks burn red with embarrassment. “Oh god.” She groans. 

 

Vanessa laughs and nudges her playfully. “Drunk Brooke sure is loyal, that’s for sure.” 

 

“Hey, sober Brooke is loyal too!”

 

“Yeah but like, drunk Brooke is extra loyal. Even when you were so out of it you couldn’t recognise my face you were still thinking bout me.”

 

“I’m always thinking about you.” Brooke tells her softly. Genuinely.

 

Once in the shower, Brooke begins to feel the grime of her hangover drift away. Vanessa leans up on her toes to wash Brooke’s hair and cover her chest and neck with kisses, and Brooke all but purrs in content. She tries not to think about how embarrassed she is about not only getting blackout drunk, but being the only one to have a terrible hangover. 

 

Afterwards, they wrap themselves up in the largest towels they can find and head out to the balcony, where they lay tangled together, baking under the mid morning sun. 

 

“Last night was different.” Vanessa laughs. She lays on her back with Brooke’s head on her chest and traces delicate patterns on her back. 

 

“Good different?” 

 

Vanessa chuckles again. “I had fun.”

 

Brooke can sense Vanessa is holding something back, so she worries that maybe it’s because she’s embarrassed. Or maybe she realises that Brooke is a complete loser who can’t handle her drink properly.  Either way, it brings that sickening anxious feeling to the pit of her stomach. 

 

“We could go out again tonight, if you want?”

 

Vanessa sighs deeply. “Okay, what’s going on?”

 

“Nothing. What do you mean?” Brooke stammers. Vanessa untangles herself from Brooke’s arms and sits up, so Brooke props herself up a little too. Brooke’s eyebrows furrow with worry and she tugs her bottom lip between her teeth. 

 

“All this.” Vanessa gestures around them. “Booking a vacation without planning it first. Getting drunk then tryna go out and do it again, even though your ass been dying all morning. This isn’t you.”

 

She doesn’t really know why, but tears spring to the corner of Brooke’s eyes. “It can be me, if you want it to be.” She says, her voice barely above a whisper.  

 

“What?”

 

“I can be fun and spontaneous. I’m not old.” 

 

Vanessa laughs loudly and Brooke’s face is flush with embarrassment. She’s about to get up to go back inside when Vanessa grabs her wrist. “No, baby, I’m not laughing at you.” She says through giggles. “But that’s what this is about? You think you’re old?”

 

“Too old for you.” Brooke murmurs and suddenly Vanessa’s face is a little more serious. 

 

She’s sighs and leans in to cup Brooke’s cheek with her hand. “What’s brought this on?”

 

Brooke shrugs and looks away, desperately trying not to cry. “We’re just so domestic and comfortable now. I don’t want you to get bored.”

 

Vanessa shakes her head and smiles in disbelief. “Brooke, do you think that if I wanted to spend my life drinking and acting the fool and doing stupid shit that I would’ve fallen in love with you? I love our life. Nothing is more exciting to me than picking out tile patterns for our bathroom or taking care of our kitties. I never thought I would get a life like this.” She’s stops speaking when she sees Brooke crying, and pulls her tightly against her chest. “It’s okay, baby.”

 

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

 

“You were thinking that you’ve got to do all kinda shit to make me happy, when all I ever need to make me happy is you.” She kisses Brooke’s forehead gently. “I just want to spend the rest of this vacation with the real you, okay?” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

And that’s exactly what they do. 

 

They visit the open air spa and get luxurious massages. They have long, gentle strolls along the beach, taking photographs and picking up interesting sea shells. They visit the local village in the day time, then spend the evenings curled up in each other’s arms on the sunbed of their balcony, watching the sunset on the horizon. 

 

And they talk, really talk, finding out new things about each other every day. All the little things that they haven’t learnt over the past year. 

 

It’s perfect. 

 

Brooke never wants it to end.  

 

On their last evening, Brooke sits with her back propped up against pillows on the sunbed, with Vanessa’s head in her lap. She fell asleep almost an hour ago and Brooke has been playing with her hair ever since, weaving her fingers through the strands and dragging her nails gently over her scalp, in the way that she knows she loves.  

 

Idly, she tries to think about her life before Vanessa, but she genuinely can’t remember what it was like. Who did she talk to when she couldn’t sleep at 4am? How did she spend her weekends? Where did she channel all the intense, unconditional love she feels burning inside of her? 

 

This has been the best year of her life. 

 

Way back when they met, Brooke could’ve taken a different turning and never seen Vanessa on that street corner. Or when she was getting worked up about their relationship, if Vanessa wasn’t so resilient, she could’ve pushed her away for good. The thought just doesn’t bare thinking about. 

 

On some level, Brooke likes to believe that even if things would’ve worked out differently in the beginning, they still would’ve ended up where they are now. She’s never been a big believer in astrology or fate, but maybe she can get on board with the idea that two people destined to be together will always find their way to one another, no matter the difficulties. 

 

Brooke and Vanessa are perfect for one another. They balance each other. They complete each other. 

 

After a little while, Brooke notices Vanessa stir as she starts to wake up. Her eyes twitch and Brooke strokes her cheek with the pad of her thumb as she comes to. When her eyes open, there’s a very brief flicker of confusion, but then she catches Brooke’s eye and her lips form a huge, dopey grin. 

 

Her eyes are heavy with sleep, but still she smiles, flashing her perfect white teeth. 

 

It’s breathtaking. 

 

Brooke realises in that moment that she could never, ever, love anyone more.  

 

“Marry me?”

 

“What?” Vanessa mumbles sleepily.  

 

She didn’t hear her. Brooke could say something different, it’s her chance to take it back. To make sure this is what she really wants. They’ve only been together for a year, it’s way too soon to propose.  

 

No. 

 

This is right. It feels right. 

 

Brooke is certain. 

 

“Marry me?” She asks again, more assuredly this time. 

 

Vanessa’s grin widens and shakes her head in disbelief. “What are you doing?”

 

Brooke sits up properly and Vanessa follows, so that they are cross legged in front of one another, with their fingers linked in the middle. 

 

“I didn’t plan this. I don’t have a ring, but I’ll get you one the minute we get home. Any ring you want.” 

 

Fuck. She’s rambling about the ring and Vanessa hasn’t even said yes yet. 

 

“I love you.” She continues. “I love our life. And I know we haven’t been together long, but I will never love anyone as much as I love you. I’m so fucking sure about this. So, Vanessa Mateo, will you-“

 

“Yes!” Vanessa blurts out, then crashes their lips together. 

 

Of course Vanessa would be too excited to let Brooke finish the question. 

 

Brooke wouldn’t have it any other way. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay with this chapter!
> 
> I can’t belive it’s almost over. Thank you so much to everyone who reads & comments. It means the world to me! 
> 
> I will be writing more Branjie soon, so watch this space!


	9. Just Right.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First comes love,  
> Then comes marriage,  
> Then comes ...

Vanesa is twirling her wedding band nervously around her ring finger. She always fidgets with things when she gets anxious. Brooke is surprised she hasn’t worn a groove into her finger with the amount she’s twirled that ring over the past few months. 

 

The band is simple and understated. Thin and gold, with their initials on the inside. Identical to Brooke’s. Brooke had wanted to buy Vanessa something flashy and expensive. Maybe with diamonds, or rubies to match her favourite shade of lipstick. But Vanessa had insisted that this was the ring she wanted. 

 

“Why is she looking through the kitchen cabinets?” Vanessa hisses under her breath, so that the woman she’s talking about can’t hear her. 

 

Brooke places her hand delicately on Vanessa’s lower back and rubs soothing circles through the soft material of her sundress. “I’m sure it’s just standard procedure. Don’t sweat it.”

 

Vanessa’s eyes snap up to hers in shock. “I cannot fucking believe that you, Brooke Mateo Hytes, Miss Anxiety City, have actually just said the words ‘don’t sweat it’” 

 

A blush creeps up Brooke’s face and chest. “Sorry. I’m nervous too.” She smirks. 

 

Vanessa chews on her lower lip and glances nervously back into the kitchen. “Do you remember what’s in there? Fuck. I think there’s half a bottle of wine in the fridge from last week. What if she sees it and-”

 

“Oh no.” Brooke teases. “That would be dreadful.” 

 

Seemingly not picking up on Brooke’s mocking tone, Vanessa begins to spin her ring around her finger at a quicker pace. 

 

Playfully, Brooke leans down close to Vanessa’s ear. “What if she finds the bag of meth we keep stashed in the cookie jar?” She whispers, pinching Vanessa’s ass as she does. 

 

“Brooke!” Vanessa scolds under her breath, swatting her hand away. “Will you stop clowning right now? I’m about to whoop your ass Mami I swear to God.”

 

Brooke drapes her arm around Vanessa’s shoulder and presses a feather light kiss into her temple. “Try to relax baby. If they’re going to reject us, it’s not going to be over the amount of junk food in our pantry or half a bottle of wine in our fridge. Okay?”

 

Vanessa nods softly and lets out a deep breath. The tension she’s holding in her shoulders doesn’t dissipate, though. A steaming hot bath later that evening will be required to fix that problem. 

 

As the woman in their kitchen uses a wooden spoon to test the batteries in their smoke detector, Brooke is taken back to the first time Vanessa had ever been in her apartment. When Vanessa had burnt eggs to the pan and made her a terrible cup of coffee. That was three and a half years ago. 

 

God, how things change. 

 

“Well. Everything seems to be in order here. Shall we continue?”

 

Brooke nods reassuringly at Vanessa and steps aside to let her continue to guide their visitor from room to room. Ordinarily, it would kill Brooke to relinquish control. Especially when there’s something so important on the line. But Vanessa has been planning this for months. Two weeks ago, Brooke got home from work to find Vanessa giving the cats a tour of the apartment, for practice. 

 

They walk through the corridor and the woman stops briefly to look at the photos on the walls. One from Aruba on the night they got engaged. Their joint bachelorette party at Niagara Falls.Their wedding day. Their honeymoon on a safari in South Africa. 

 

She prays that today goes well, so that they can add more memories to these walls. 

 

“This is our bedroom. Please do look around, ma’am.” Vanessa tells the woman as she props open the door. She’s doing what she calls her ‘white lady at a customer service desk’ voice. It’s soft and polite. Very fake. It’s not her Vanessa at all. She’s also doing a cheshire cat inspired smile. Brooke can’t wait to tease her about it later. 

 

The woman isn’t interested in looking at much in here. She tests the windows, presumably looking for a safety lock, then briefly inspects the outlets. One of the sockets is switched on with nothing plugged in to it, so she leans down and flicks it off. Vanessa makes a strangled, anxious sound from her throat so Brooke quickly grabs her hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

 

“Sorry, that would’ve drove me crazy.” The woman laughs awkwardly as they leave the room and head down the corridor. 

 

“This is the spare bedroom. It will be her bedroom.” Vanessa’s eyes widen in a panic as she realises what she’s said. “Or  _ his  _ bedroom. We don’t mind. We’d take a boy or a girl. Or one of each. Or-”

 

“Ness.” Brooke cuts her off softly. She’s rambling. “Why don’t you show Ms Visage the bathroom?”

 

Vanessa nods quickly. “Right. Right. Yeah. Okay, on with the tour.”

 

-x-

 

Once the tour is finished, they’re sitting on the sofa across from Michelle, who sits in the arm chair, her binder open in her lap. The cats are huddled around Vanessa’s feet. They must be able to sense her worry. 

 

Brooke doesn’t know why she isn’t the anxious one today. She wants this to go well so badly. Usually, Brooke would be the one tripping over her words, or bouncing her leg with worry, but today she’s keeping it together remarkably well. 

 

She thinks the reason may be because Vanessa is so on edge. If Brooke wasn’t  there reassuring her, keeping her calm, then she would be a nervous wreck. Vanessa needs Brooke to be her rock. Brooke is more than happy to comply, given all the times that Vanessa has calmed her down from spiralling over the years. It’s kind of nice to be the one on the other side for once. 

 

On the night before their wedding, Vanessa’s bridesmaid, Silky, had insisted that it was back look for the brides to see each other before the big day, so they’d had to stay in separate hotel rooms. Brooke had been on the edge of a full blown panic attack after just forty five minutes. 

 

_ What if she forgets her vows? What if her dress doesn’t fit? What if the flowers are the wrong colour? Or the cake doesn’t arrive? What if she wakes up in the morning and her relationship with Vanessa has been one, two year long, dream? Or what if- _

 

Then, there’d been a knock at the door. 

 

Vanessa. 

 

Standing there with her hair in curlers, wearing her ‘bride to be’ pyjama set. 

 

_ “I figured you’d be freaking out right about now.” _

 

They talked for the rest of the night, staying up until sunrise. It was that night that they’d first talked about having kids. Vanessa had been so excited that she’d almost spent the morning of their wedding driving straight to the Family Services and Adoption Centre, instead of getting into her gown. 

 

On their honeymoon, Brooke bought a stuffed giraffe as a gift for their non-existent child. It was pre-emptive, maybe even tempting fate, but Brooke was so sure that this was going to happen for them, that she didn’t even question it. 

 

Maybe that’s how she’s able to stay so calm now? She’s so, so fuccking sure this will happen. 

 

“You ladies have a beautiful home.” Michelle tells them with a smile. 

 

“Thank you.” Brooke nods, placing her hand on top of Vanessa’s which rests on her knee. 

 

“So, I’m going to ask you both the question that I ask to all prospective parents. There’s no right or wrong answer, I just want you to be as honest as you can and try to speak from the heart.”

 

Fuck. Brooke is not exactly the best at speaking from her heart. 

 

“Brooke, why do you think Vanessa will be a good mom?”

 

Oh. 

 

This. This, she can talk about. 

 

“Vanessa is the most caring, loving, nurturing person that I’ve ever met. She’s silly and carefree, but also patient and thoughtful and understanding. All at the same time. I know one thing for certain, and that’s that Vanessa is going to be the type of mom that every kid needs. She’ll be in the front row at every dance recital. She’ll take a math class just to help our kids with their homework. She’ll do nothing but support and love and encourage. Everything she does, she does with so much passion. One hundred percent commitment, every time.”

 

She takes a deep breath before continuing and squeezes Vanessa’s hand. 

 

“I don’t just think she’s going to be a good mom, I know she’s going to be a perfect one.”

 

Michelle smiles warmly and nods her head. “Thank you, Brooke. Now Vanessa, same question to you.”

 

Vanessa lets out a noise between a laugh and a cry and sniffles. She raises her hands to wipe away a few stray tears. “Sorry. She done got me all worked up.” She laughs.

 

“That’s okay, take your time.”

 

“Okay. Okay.” Vanessa takes a deep breath. “I got this.”

 

“When I um…” She hesitates, then glances nervously at Brooke. “When I first met Brooke, she tried to arrest me.”

 

Sweet Jesus. Brooke covers her mouth with her hand.  _ Fuck, this had better be going somewhere good.  _

 

“I wasn’t doing nothing wrong, Brooky was just a little mean back then. Anyways, when she realised that she’d made a mistake, she didn’t just dump me back in the street, she helped me. Then when I didn’t have nowhere to go, she let me into her home. Every single day since then she’s worked her ass off to make sure I’m safe and cared for.” 

 

_ Oh, Ness.  _ Brooke’s heart clenches. 

 

“She supports me and loves me no matter what I do. She goes outa her way to make sure I have everything I need. When I had to stop working and go to school to take a class in business so that I could be promoted to assistant manager at the bar I work at, she didn’t care. She just took a bunch of overtime to compensate.”

 

“And for what it’s worth, I think Brooke is wrong. I’m ain’t gonna be the perfect mom. I’m gonna make mistakes. But Brooke is gonna be right there to fix em when I do.”

 

-x- 

 

Brooke gets home from work to the sound of Vanessa on the phone. She’s talking in a hushed voice. She doesn’t want to get caught. Brooke clears her throat as she stands in the doorway to the kitchen. 

 

Vanessa’s eyes flare wide when she sees her. “Sorry, gotta go. Thank you. Bye.” She stammers quickly, then disconnects the call. 

 

“Who was that, baby?” 

 

“Um. There was a… It was a… Just like a cold call or something.”

 

“You thanked a cold caller?”

 

“Um. Yes?”

 

Vanessa is a terrible liar. Brooke lets out a soft sigh and moves towards her. “Nessa…”

 

This is the third time this month Brooke has caught Vanessa calling the adoption agency to check on the progress of their application - and those are just the calls Brooke knows about. The agency is still processing all their documents. These things take time They’re probably checking everything from their credit history to their dental records. And it’s going to take even longer since Vanessa only recently became a Canadian citizen. 

 

Brooke isn’t worried, but Vanessa won’t stop calling them. 

 

“What if they have our number wrong or something? And they tried to call us to tell us we’ve been approved but they couldn’t get through? Maybe if you miss the call they change their minds and-”

 

Brooke cups Vanessa’s face with both hands and leans down to kiss her. Vanessa tries to keep talking against Brooke’s lips, but Brooke keeps pecking her with soft kisses until she stops. Eventually, Vanessa caves, melting into the kiss. 

 

After a minute, Brooke pulls back and rests their foreheads together. “It’s going to be fine, baby. I promise you. We’ve just got to be patient.” 

 

Vanessa nods slowly and sighs deeply. 

 

“Come on.” Brooke whispers in her ear. “Lets go to bed.”

 

Vanessa chuckles. “It’s four thirty in the afternoon”

 

“I know.” Brooke smirks, licking her lips. 

 

Vanessa’s lips are back on hers in an instant. Brooke backs her into the kitchen counter then stoops to grab her thighs and pull her upwards. Her legs clamp like a vice around Brooke’s waist. Vanessa’s hair is longer now, and brown - she’s convinced it looks more sensible this way. Brooke thinks it looks fucking incredible. The curls feel great between her fingers. 

 

A soft moan leaves Vanessa’s lips as Brooke drops fiery kisses on her throat. “Bed.” Vanessa stammers breathlessly after a few minutes of frantic kissing. Brooke steps away so that Vanessa can hop down from the counter, then they practically sprint hand in hand to their bedroom. 

 

Vanessa’s shirt is discarded somewhere along the way. Followed by her bra. And Brooke’s pants. 

 

The moment that they tumble into bed, Brooke drops her mouth to Vanessa’s breast. Twirls her tongue around the nipple. Vanessa has been so stressed about the adoption, Brooke knows she needs it like this. Hard and fast. She slips her hand up Vanessa’s skirt. 

 

But her hand makes contact with the fabric of her panties, her phone starts to vibrate on the bedside table. 

 

“Sorry.” Brooke murmurs between kisses, then reaches over to silence the call. 

 

She trails a line of kisses down Vanessa’s stomach as she hikes her skirt up to her waist. She loves it like this. Too frantic to even undress properly. 

 

The phone starts to ring again. Brooke sighs frustratedly and reaches for the phone. 

 

“Answer that phone and I will whoop you ass, Mami.” Vanessa pants. 

 

Brooke see’s the number. “Ness.” She says softly, shakes her shoulder to get her to open her eyes. Vanessa whimpers, but opens them anyways to look at the screen. 

 

They both scramble to sit up on the edge of the bed and Brooke answers the call. Puts it on speakerphone. 

 

“Hello. This is Michelle from the Family Services and Adoption Centre. Is this Miss Mateo Hytes.” 

 

“Yes. This is Brooke. You’re on speaker with my wife and I.” 

 

Vanessa is clutching her hand so tightly, Brooke thinks it might break. Not that it matters right now. 

 

“I’ll cut right to the chase, if I may?” 

 

“Please do.” Brooke stammers. 

 

God. This is it. 

 

“We have a couple in Ottawa who have unfortunately separated and backed out of their arranged adoption at the last minute. We called the first few numbers on our waiting list and nobody else is able to take a child so soon. But you wife has called our office twice a week for the past month, so we thought-”

 

“Yes.” Vanessa blurts out without letting Michelle finish. She’s crying. “We’ll do it.”

 

Brooke rests her hand over Vanessa’s knee and squeezes softly. “Hold on, baby.” She whispers. “How soon is ‘soon’?” She asks Michelle. 

 

“Four weeks.” 

 

Vanessa squeaks in excitement. 

 

“God. That is soon.” Brooke sighs deeply and runs her hand through her hair. “Can we have some time to think it over.”

 

“No. We don’t need time. We accept.” Vanessa insists quickly. 

 

“Nessa.” Brooke sighs. 

 

“I can give you until tomorrow morning to make a decision. If you need to decline however, I can assure you that your application has been approved and you’ll be joining our waiting list.” 

 

The moment the call disconnects, Vanessa is yelling. 

 

“Brooke what the fuck?”

 

“Ness-”

 

“Don’t you fuckin ‘Ness’ me right now. Why did you say no?”

 

“I didn’t say no!”

 

“No, but you’re gonna. They’re gonna give us a kid. We could be parents. And you’re gonna say no? Have you changed your mind about this?”

 

“No. Fuck no. No, I haven’t.” She tries to calm herself before continuing. “Vanessa, it’s four weeks.  _ Four weeks _ . We aren’t ready. We’re said we were going to go to parenting classes and take our time decorating the room. Four weeks isn’t enough time to do any of that. Plus there’s work. What if I can’t get time off with such short notice.”

 

Vanessa’s shoulders slump in defeat. She looks broken. It’s killing Brooke to do this, but one of them has to be the sensible one. Vanessa nods sadly and a single tear falls down her cheek. She doesn’t wipe it away. 

 

Brooke opens her arms to pull Vanessa into a hug, but she flinches away. “I just want to be on my own right now.”

 

As soon as Vanessa leaves and the door clicks shut behind her, Brooke starts to cry. She fucking hates being the bad guy. Saying no to something they both want to badly is killing her. It reminds her of the very first time they kissed, when Brooke tried to stop their relationship in its tracks, thinking it was the right thing to do. 

 

But this time is different. There’s a baby involved. A real life person on the line. It would be selfish to bring a child into a home that isn’t ready for them. 

 

Not being able to hold Vanessa is killing her. 

 

But she respects her wishes and leaves her alone. Instead, Brooke buries her face in Vanessa’s pillow and clutches it tightly. 

 

After what feels like an eternity, Brooke gets a text message. Vanessa wouldn’t text her whilst they’re in the same apartment, but she looks at it quickly anyways, thinking theres a chance it could be her. 

 

It’s Nina.

 

_ Vanessa has just text to say she isn’t coming into work tonight. Is everything okay? - N xo _

 

Brooke considers ignoring it, but she really needs to talk to someone right now. 

 

_ Hi Nina. The adoption agency called to ask if we can pick up a child in Ottawa in four weeks. We’re going to have to say no. Ness isn’t taking it well.” _

 

The reply comes back almost instantly. 

 

_ No?! Why? _

 

Brooke sighs. Of course Nina would take Nessa’s side. 

 

_ It’s too soon. I wouldn’t be able to start my maternity leave on such short notice. The apartment isn’t ready for a baby. It’s shitty, but the timing just doesn’t work out. :(  We are on the waiting list though, there will be another chance.  _

 

Typing out the message kills her. Who knows how long it will be before they get another chance. 

 

_ Brooke!! This is crazy talk!! You know I’d let Vanessa start her maternity leave tomorrow if you asked me. Four weeks is plenty of time to get the apartment ready when you’ll have all my girls helping you! I’ll even drive you to Ottawa myself!  So what’s the real reason you said no? _

 

She starts to cry. Ugly cry. 

 

_ I’m fucking terrified, Nina.  _

 

Everything Nina said is true. The only reason that Brooke thinks they aren’t ready is because she’s so afraid of this. What if she’s going to be a terrible mom?

 

_ I know, my dear, but you’ve got to snap out of it. Talk to Vanessa and see if she can snap you out of this. Then, for the love of God, go get your fucking kid! _

 

Brooke practically runs to find Vanessa. 

 

When she finds her, she’s curled up on the bed in the spare room.  Her old bedroom. She sleeping with her bathrobe around her and her knees pulled up to her chest. Makeup ruined by tears. Clutching the stuffed giraffe. Their baby’s stuffed giraffe. 

 

She crosses the room slowly. The mattress dips beneath her. “Ness, wake up.”

 

Vanessa opens her eyes and smiles warmly at Brooke, but then a flash of anger passes over her face as she comes too properly. She looks away. 

 

“I think we should say yes.”

 

Vanessa snaps her head back around. “What?” 

 

“To the baby. I want to say yes.”

 

Her face lights up with the brightness of a thousand suns and she sits up. “Are you fucking with me?”

 

“No. No, I swear, I’m not. I’ve changed my mind. I still think its too soon. I think we’re not ready. I think I’m going to have a stress induced heart attack at some point in the next four weeks. I think everyone’s going to think we’re crazy. And I want to do it anyways.”

 

Vanessa shakes her head in disbelief. She’s laughing and crying all at the same time. She’s clutching the stuffed giraffe to her chest and showering Brooke’s face with kisses. 

 

She pulls back. “You’re sure? You’re really sure?”

 

“Yes. Really. I’m so sorry. I want this. I want our baby.” 

 

“She’s a girl.” 

 

“What?” 

 

“I called Michelle back to ask about the baby. She’s a girl.” 

 

Brooke’s lip quivers and her vision blurs with tears. “We’re going to have a little girl?”

 

Vanessa nods and pulls her into a tight embrace. “We’re gonna be mamas.” 

 

All of Brooke’s fears melt away. She doesn’t care that it’s too rushed. Fuck the uncertainty. Fuck worrying all the goddamn time. 

 

For them, having a baby could only happen like this. 

 

The intensity. The power. The passion. 

 

The all consuming love.

 

All the things so uniquely them, that bleed into everything that they do.

 

It’s exactly how Brooke wants to spend the rest of their lives. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I wanted to get this out before the reunion, when all our Branjie dreams are going to be destroyed.   
> 2) I didn't even proof read.   
> 3) Checking the 'this work is complete' box hurt me a little.  
> 4) If you want to follow my work, drag race digital art, or just hit me up and be sad about the reunion together, my tumblr is @youre-a-kite   
> 5) That being said, 
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING!!
> 
> This fic is now over 30,000 words! I would not have been able to keep it going without all the love and support in the comments. 
> 
> I do hope the ending is everything you want it to be. 
> 
> I'm planning at some point in the future to release a series of one shots about Branjie parenting at various stages in their daughters life (they call her Olivia, by the way) so let me know if that's something anyone would be interested in reading. 
> 
> Also, if I still have your attention, I'm going to shamelessly plug my recently uploaded fic The Thrill of the Chase, which is a smutty Branjie one shot. So check that out if you're interested. 
> 
> -xoxo Nightman (/Kite on tumblr)


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